First five years of marriage is like the ‘baby teething process’ ..Yes, we all enter into it at the romancing stage and for the majority, it takes a long time period to reach at the acceptance phase. When we celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary today, I believe I’m mature enough to talk about relations. Like every one out there, my body also couldn’t continue to produce the same level of endorphins that it was in the beginning of our marriage. And its obvious that, it ends up with disagreements or so-called ‘couple fights’.
There are times we all argue about silly issues like social media post, destination for a holiday getaway or have some bigger disagreements about hurt feelings, topics on extended family members/friends, raising kids/household, finance…and so on. Couple fights are inevitable in family life. These events come up to test our strength of relations or rather to strengthen our relations. So here are some do’s and don’ts that I found helpful to embrace our relationship.
- Reloading past– We ladies are said to have good memory on infinite mindless past things compared to men. However, don’t use that bliss during couple dispute. Trust me, it will worsen the situation. Rather, try to stick on to the present problem and finding a solution.
- Don’t ever compare– It’s a human tendency to compare our partner with our friends or relatives’ partners. Besides heating the situations, this act goes in vain. Try to accept them as they are.
- Hold your tongue – This is the place I always loose my consciousness. No matter how mad you get and how much that inner temper flareup, resist the urge to unleash your anger in your speech. Stay calm and try to explain what actions hurt you. Remember, words you uttered is like a missed arrow-both you can’t take it back.
- Involving others to solve the fights– Not only in couple disputes, but also in any fights you can follow this same principle. Try to solve it among yourself. When you go for a third party, you always end up with a biased view on the issue. And consequently, the situation gets complicated.
- Do make requests, not complaints– Some times, while we get exhausted with the household errands and you see your partner relaxing and watching movie/chatting on phone, its instinctive that you lose your temper and start complaining. Try to rephrase it in to a request like, I’m so tired of this/that will you please help me with this/that. This one does the job without making much hassles.
- Know the right time to pause– When the conversations are going out of your control, take a break. I personally prefer taking a shower. It gives your mind enough time to relax and think over the topic from different perspectives.
Meditation, cooking your favorite food, spending time with a baby or pets or even cleaning helps. You may use this time wisely to think about the solutions or rather, you may discover some defensible points to save your face. Hope you recall about what I said about social media on one of my previous post (if not,here is the link…https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/03/14/a-withheld-letter-to-my-sisters/ ) strictly stay way from it at this crucial time.
- Do keep a low voice and tone– I don’t think there is an urge to explain much about this point.
- Taking turns– I would suggest, it would be better to have discussed between you and your partner before the disagreements occur. Therefore, you can communicate effectively amid a heated conversation.
- Apologies matters– Last but not the least, when you make a lifetime commitment to someone, it means your relationship becomes more important than who’s right and who’s wrong. Its never too late to say S-o-r-r-y.
To conclude, it takes time and patience for two souls who was raised in two different family backgrounds to become a perfect ‘made for each other couples’ . Next time when you have a disagreement, remember you are a team and understand that this issue arises because of your unconditional love and caring for each other. And it is important that you learn to outsmart it before it engulfs you and your relation.
During these days the whole family is multitasking virtually from home, and chances of couple fights are relatively high I guess. Hope these tips will be helpful during this lock-down days. And also don’t forget to share your smart tips for the same in the comment box below...