Anu@lafemina

Parenting tips: Kids Tantrums at middle of night a STAR method approach.

Situation- Are you the parent for an infant and a kindergartener or so? Then, hopefully I don’t need to explain much about the situation. It’s a nightmare I know. Imagine your older kid also starts bother you asking for pulling up blanket, peeing, water …along with your newborn who is designed to wakeup often to feed and cuddle. Don’t freak-out you are not alone. Most of the parents go through the similar situations and here are some of my trial and error findings.

Task- Without bothering the little one who wakes up for all the tiny disturbances it was really hard for me to get elder one back to sleep. During these kind of night tantrums, they won’t listen to us because its their subconscious mind which is taking control over them. Believe me, shouting back at them or punishing them is never going to help. Despite, its going to worsen these situations. In the beginning, my partner and I tried to accommodate all her needs at the middle of the night. After a bit of time we noticed the more we did this, the more often she started throwing her tantrums. I found myself stepping back, letting her tantrums run their course and ended up with a cuddling section when she was done.

Action – As this drama continued for most of the days, I started to drain out my patience. There where days when I felt that whole my parenting strategies where a big failure. We discussed and came up with an idea that if we can rewrite her subconscious mind who is the culprit behind all these sleeping disorders we could sleep better.

Are you thinking what is this subconscious mind to do with this??? Alright, let me explain. According to the dictionary it is “something existing in the mind but not immediately available to consciousness.” We all have it and it has lot to do with the brain waves. According to scientific researches,

From birth to 2years – less frequency waves or delta waves controls your brain. (i.e., very less filtering of information, no logic). This wave controls an adult human while he sleeps.

From 2 to 8 years- zeta waves take over the brain control. (kids at this age believe what we say/what they see/what they imagine)

In short, until age of 8 kids are just downloading all the data. As adults we sometimes forget that he/she is literally a kid. We believe that they should think, understand and act the way we do. Whereas, in the eyes of our kids, you are literally everything. What ever you tell, their brain records it as true. So, beware of the words that you use to call your kid during an out burst.

Yeah, too much of science. Well, to take an action a little ground work will always help. Here are some of the action plans…

Here are some of the action plans…

Talk about the tantrums and the troubles that your kid is making at night time during a bonding section with them and make sure that they listen to you calmly.
Try to know the root cause/triggers and reprogram your child’s subconscious.
Stay calm knowing that this type of behaviour is perfectly normal. Nevertheless, it is imperative that they learn early that this kind of action is not acceptable in your home.
Follow a consistent bedtime routine.
Take time to connect with your kid by reading story/singing lullaby. Don’t forget to say how much you treasure them.
Even if you see the changes in your kids initially, follow the whole steps everyday. Be consistent.

And lot more… (guess it won’t go in one blog post. So, stay tuned for upcoming posts)

Result- Well, in our case within two days the problem was fixed. She seldom wakes up at midnight, stared to pull up the blanket by herself, going to pee if needed with minimal assistance, no tantrums no nightmares …Wow!! relaxing right??

Give it a try and let me know the feedback. And don’t forget to comment your own tricks and tips for the same.

Homemaking or Career?

To women who are in the verge of launching their dream career, this is a million-dollar question especially when they are about to get into motherhood. There were days when I asked the same question to myself. Well, later on even when my rational mind cried out for following the career path my emotional mind held me back. Four years later when I asked my kindergartener that now since she has started her school can mom go back to work…And the reply ended with a serious meltdown. In that moment, the mom in me realized that my decision was right.

And now if you are in a dilemma just like me these are some questions that will really help you to decide your future.

Can your partner alone handle the household?

Are you passionate about the job/career you are doing/going to do?

Are you losing the interest in career that you were pursuing after being a mom?

Hopefully by now you must have an answer in mind. But again, freedom matters, convincing your own partner and parents matter. Well, the latter one is the hardest I know. In addition to that, at some point as a stay at home mom I found myself getting back on workforce compared to my colleagues and friends from college. But there are solutions for that as well. As we are living in the century where the online business world is widely open In front of you as a flexible work from home mom. Alright, I’m not detailing because you know there are hundreds of vlogs/blogs on the same.

On the flip side if you opt for career first, you may enjoy the independence and sense of accomplishment a job can provide. However, at the same time you feel guilty and insecure for leaving your kid with someone at daycare or at home. Nobody in this world can take care of someone’s kids the way as their own mom or father does. And so, the years that you spent in growing up the next generation is worth.

Hey working mammas who reading this post don’t get panic by my statements above. There is some good news I should share with you. In a survey by NICHD (National Institute of Child Health and Human Development) they found that the kids in a good daycare or preschool does have more skills and kindergarten readiness compared to the ones who stayed with mom at home. Hmm, don’t get over excited!!At the same time, they showed more temper tantrums and of course, the back to back sickness matters. Finding good daycare for your kid seems easy but not the cost. I know how expensive it is.

Final words, ‘Family and Career’. You can make a choice either way. However, ask God for what is best for you. Try to make your own identity as an individual rather than relaxing under the shades of your partner/parents. It is said that we women are gifted with multitasking ability, use it for the right cause. Let the world respect you. Give your daughter a chance to make you the role model.

In my opinion, it would be great if either of the parents can take care of their kids during the early years of their life or look for work from home options. Again, each of our stories and situations are unique.Its not about in the miracle of becoming mom or exercising creativity at work, its all about choosing wisely what gives you more joy.

La femina…for women by a woman.

Hi,

I’m Anu. An Lovely mamma (an aeronautical engineer by profession) for two little humans and hopefully the better half for my sweet heart.

Recently I came across a hashtag #sheforher and the concept stroked my mind. I slept over it for days and decided to join my hands in the movement to help all women out there. Well, the brainstorming section ended up with this blog. Being the big sister for two younger sisters in my house I thought it will be more easy for me to connect the same emotion with you all.

I know at certain point of life we all needed someone to guide you or whom you can trust like your elder sister. So here in this blog I can help you to look like a girl… act like a woman …love like a mom…think like a man and how to be your own boss!!

Today March 8th as we celebrate international women’s day I decided its the perfect day to kickoff my blogging journey .

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.