Anu@lafemina

Thoughts to reframe for pausing gender inequalities

One day in my childhood days, I was playing Football with my cousins..And all of a sudden, my granny called out for me and asked me to never repeat it because, I’m a grown up girl and football is not for girls..!! Todate I don’t understand the logic behind what is wrong when a girl play so called boy’s games..!!

Recently, an Indian Actress who was carrying at the time of her partner’s demise, posted a pic of her baby shower ..And the Smile on her face was the most prettiest and saddest thing I observed on Internet on that day.. And You can Imagine, the kind of unpleasant Comments bestowed under that pic..Why do a smile one a widow’s face irritate some vicious people out there..?? What is illegal when a widow is wearing a colourful dress or trying recover from her agony..!!

Throughout my life, I have observed and classified girls into two category..

Type A girls– the girls who obeys their parents, above average to good academics, no late night parties or hanging outs with boy friends..never got listed in society bad list, pressurised and got married at early ages..way before getting grip or launching her dream career and may have a job or later quit it..Yes, then everyone says her partner is earning enough then why should she go to work…!! Later on, ends up as the private property of her husband…!! Now, do you think that the life, which dedicated for keeping a good track record among the society people will glorify you..???

Nopes..!! The same people will say, she wasn’t that brilliant or brave enough to have a brighter career..just somehow managed to get good scores on academics..!! Suppose, she got divorced- What..!, can’t she keep a man..? Suppose, her partner cheats her or not having a baby after couple of years- It’s all her fault..!! Suppose, she got married again- What..!, did she mourn enough or Did she purposely harm her previous partner for this..? bla bla bla… Hey Girls, this bla blaZ never ends!!

Now, Type B girls: These girls seldom listen to their parents or never bother about what other people think about them..And obviously, their performance in academic varies from poor to below average..They do give a try in all of their interested areas..it may varies from glam world like modelling or acting to jobs that doesn’t give her a good respect or wages..!! Most of the times she will succeed in achieving her dream life and career.. She will live her life to the fullest..!! She don’t bother about the age when she should get tied to a knot..!!

Now just think about she got into some troubles, like Sexual harassment or something like that- the questions and speculations goes viral than a youtube video -what was she wearing, why did she drive the car alone at that late night…etc!! None will be there to be on her side..!! And we already know, what the public or even sometimes their own parents call such girls.. Such an Irresponsible idiot or she is a Sl_T, gone case, it’s all her MOm’s fault..hmm..what not..?!!And now assume that she became a well renowned personality or a lady superstar, then the same people comes to praise her or to take the credit as well…!! What a contradictory thought process…! huh..??!!

So from here it’s evident that, you choose to be good like type A or to be bold like type B girls, whatever you choose the social norms hunts you from the beginning to the end..!! Don’t you think it’s time for rethinking all this ugly thoughts..?? And point here to be noted is that, if it was a BOY who progress in the similar situations, the thought process of the outside community will be entirely different. Instead of spreading rumours, they praise him…and respect him..!!

All this kind of Gender Stereotypes are a hindrance for equality and our development… Each of us understand the truth that, regardless of the gender, each one of us are unique with different talents..!! We all have different identities and it can be stigmatized under the threat of these pointless stereotyping..!! Since I quoted all examples where women are the subject, it doesn’t mean that men are safe from this threat..!! For instance, how many parents will support a boy who’s interested in cooking ,nursing, tailoring..?? And would these elite class people sit quiet, when a BOY child pursue his dream career ..??

So the only way out is, live our life to the fullest , never give ears to this kind of public talks and if possIble TEACH YOUR KIDS to mind their own business..!! How can we expect a change until we ourself are treating others in a way that, you don’t want to be treated..?? Let it begin from the families…be a good role model for your kids especially by avoiding judging others in front of our kids…( as we discussed in one of our earlier post- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/24/gender-stereotyping-unintendedly-rooted-in-modern-families-too/ ). And there will be a huge difference, IF our government, workplace and educational system take necessary measures to arrest gender stereotyping too..!!

Until you treat everyone as an equal, you have no right to complain about the treatment you receive from anyone.
kushandwisdom

Let Us live and Let others to live…I’m still hopeful that we together can create a world where all are equal and just treated as humans..!!

..Have you ever came across such kind of situations..how did you reacted to it..??Don’t you think this should change..??And let me know your thoughts on the same in the comment box below..have a fantastic weekend guys..

feel free to ….Like…Share…Follow…..Comment…repost……!!!

Violence against women – hindrance for equality, peace and development.

It’s a known fact that, Violence against women is deeply rooted in the history of human civilizations…and the undisputed cause for this human rights violation is the physical difference between both genders and religion/tradition..!! Even though we upgraded so many technology and living standards, this phenomenon remained the same..!!

It looks like Nobody took the initiative to give voice, against this violence against women until in the mid centuries some feminist movement came in to existence. However, the overruled patriarchal system gave men a superior power over the females, hence till date these movements couldn’t ensure necessary elements like safety, equality and peaceful environment for each and every woman out there..!

“Violence against women is perhaps the most shameful human rights violation, and it is perhaps the most pervasive. It knows no boundaries of geography, culture or wealth. As long as it continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace.”
Kofi Annan

When I say violence against women, it varies from in-home partner violence to child marriages, abuses and female foeticide..Which means, this is faced by almost all age groups of women in the society. I know what you’re are thinking right now..about the laws which ensures women’s rights ..Do you think that laws alone can ensure women’s well being and equality..??Don’t you feel like it’s high time to come out of it for a better world..?Just think, how can a country develop without giving equal rights to all its people..??

Unfortunately,violence against women is not the only injustice women face globally;It is one of many inequalities that impede the full development of socially excluded women globally
Zainab Salbi

I feel that there is no point of over and over addressing the same matter rather, lets focus on what we as an INDIVIDUAL can do to arrest this kind of brutalities towards weaker communities.

Let it start from home- a note to couples : The moment when we hear ‘it’s a boy’ the air fills with joy and when it’s a girl most of the couples get tensed…we can’t blame them, that’s what our society setup for welcoming a girl child. Reports from all over the globe, depicts the fact that Lockdown and work/learn from home amidst covid-19 helped in control of the spread of virus. However, it also marked a spike in the domestic violence especially against women. In my opinion Home should be a place where everyone should feel safe and comfortable…and what if it’s not like that..!!

Violence against women continues unless the situation at the home changes..let our boy child learn from us how to respect women and let our girl child feel empowered. Hmm.. I can guess what you guys are thinking..! – ‘No I never raised hand over my partner, cowardice does that..’ hmm.., well violence can also exist in the form of emotional violence or rather verbal too..!! God created men much physically stronger than women is to protect her not to conquer her. So give respect and take respect…let this act of self respect begin from our home..

We need more men with the guts, with the courage , with the strength, with the moral integrity to break our complicit silence to challenge each other and to stand with women and not against them.
Jackson Katz

To boys and girls: No matter what a girl wear, what is does, what she looks, what she talks, what is the time, how she behaves or is she alone ..it’s a big NO to touch her without her permission..remember, it’s cowardice act..yes you can stay as a good friend or caring brother..

And to girls, it’s ok to move out of a toxic relationship..it’s Okay to be assertive and make clear on your stand and give a second chance if they deserve it…If not, Don’t think about what society will feel about you or you will be a burden for your parents..! Show the courage to Speak up, stand up for yourself..And then you’ll be proud that you’re a survivor not a victim anymore..Yes, you deserve a better life..!

“Use the darkness of your past to propel you to a brighter future.”
― Donata Joseph

Use the technology wisely for help.. get connected to your roots or to women shelter or organization to prevent abuses against women in your place..Even it’s okay to learn some martial arts for existence..haha..sounds funny..? Nope, nowadays parents including me with a girl child is giving more importance for it rather than teaching dance and music..!!

“Each time a woman stands up for herself without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”
— Maya Angelou

Don’t you remember our Malala’s post ..just think what happened when she stood up for herself..(if you haven’t read that post here is the link- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/08/if-a-young-blogger-malala-can-why-cant-we-malala-day-2020/).

And just know that you’re not alone..If you know someone who really needs help, reach out to them , give the courage to speak up or move out and stand by them..

So let’s work together against violence against women ..and do you have more suggestions to the list..?? Let me know your thoughts on the same in the comment box below..and don’t forget to <<<like >>share >> reblog >>follow >>..Have a wonderful week ahead..

Anu Rijo

6 Simple yet powerful ways for regaining your self- motivation..!!

Do you feels like Stuck somewhere in life?? Do you feels like your inner driving force that once guided you is lost at someone point of life..?? Then you should continue reading..

It can vary from getting sticked to an insensible job position for a man to loosing that driving force to focus on career after marriage or post-delivery, for a woman..! In any mentioned scenarios, one can’t find true happiness in their life or feel contented..!

Since I’m an engineer I can better explain things better with Newton law of motion-According to which, a body continues to be in a state of rest or state of motion until or unless it’s acted upon by an external force..and the only difference here is that to move closer to our dreams from a point where we stopped, you will need an external force and here it is called self motivation which should come within ourselves ..!! hmm..Now you got little more clarity right..?? And that’s why it’s really important regain your once lost inner motivation for embracing a blissful life ..

Yes you’ll need to get your inner driving force back, to push you forward and closer to your goals …!!

Yes you can do it by following this simple yet powerful steps..!!

Practice self compassion while accepting the present situation: Suppose you are a women who stuck at home with your little ones or a men stuck at less interested workplace, Instead of thinking back an cursing yourself try to accept the current situation..It’s a habitual misbelief that self-criticizing is the best way to motivate yourself, however the truth is that it makes things much complicated. It will drain your energy and confidence and leave you behind in agony..!! Be kind to yourself and accept the current situation and start from where you’re right now.

While doing my graduation, I missed an opportunity to attend the campus interview because my aggregate marks of the first three semesters was just a point lesser than the cutoff marks..!! Without getting much disappointed and cursing my luck I just concentrated at rest of my course and managed to complete my engineering degree with first class and without any supplies– and got an opportunity to work with one of India’s prestigious organisation VSSC-Indian Space Research Organisation..See how life gives you surprises when you accept yourself and focusing on the future..!!

2. Execute two D’s-Detachment and Declutter: Once you accept the present situation and facts, figure out and stay away from the toxic people or things which is hindering your momentum. And suppose it is someone which is really close to you, instead of decluttering them practice detachment..and surround yourself with passionate people.

Do you know our brain always have a tendency to follow what the people surrounded by you is following..So now you got the point, why I mentioned surround yourself with passionate people..?? ok.. Thanks to mirror neurons..!!

3. Meditate and get out of the comfort zone: It can be overwhelming and daunting while looking for a giant leap..So better keep things simple. Aim for the lowest hanging apple. Practicing meditation will help us to get focus and clarity of our goals at the same time to silence our inner critic..!! It will also provide us with the courage to keep a step forward out of our comfort zone. If you feels meditation is much demanding for you find some time to sit alone , listen to your heart and ponder your thoughts..!!

4. Take the odds as the fuel for your motivation: As we discussed this in one of our previous post( if you have it read it here is the link-https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/15/8-basic-rules-for-a-happy-life/ ) take all that frustrations and negativities around you as the fuel for your motivation truck. Because it’s easy to get lost of the self motivation at certain points of life and this fuel works better and gives results 2X faster..!!

Everything negative- Pressure, challenges are all an opportunity for me to rise.
Kobe bryant

5. Let your thoughts and actions works synchronously: Most of our problem is we know exactly what we want, however our actions doesn’t matches with that..Which means, we tent to spent more time and energy on medias,shopping, outing, chatting..etc And how can you expect to achieve what you want in your life..!!So stop thinking much and wasting your time- start doing..let your actions convert thoughts to into reality..!!

Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality, upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.
anonymous

6. Affirmations – a secret key: Look back into your life, especially the moments you are really proud of, you love to cherish, your strengths -make a note of it and go through it every day..you can post literally anywhere you will be noticing it and reading it, if time and situations allows , then think of a plan where you write it every day..!! What I do is, keeping an affirmation note on my phone and read it every mornings…!- haha..look at heights of laziness..!! Trust me it works..!!

Hope this one helps you to regain your lost self-driving force as it did for me..!!

Have you ever felt like stuck at some point of life..?? If yes, how did you manage to regain your momentum..??comment your thoughts on the same in the comment box below..!! Have a blissful week ahead..!!don’t forget to like/share/reblog/comment/follow

His & Her Money-an Impartial talk on finance and family.

The purpose of this post is to question our household economic systems within which resources are said to be shared equitably. When I say resources, here I purely means Money Management. For better understanding we will focus on Couple-households and the implications for individuals, (especially on women) of different types of financial management.

I have heard most of the mommies with girl children, giving them advice for getting a job and being able to finance for themselves, be independent..etc..Yes, it’s totally virtuous. However, is that alone ensuring their financial independence after married life?? When we speak about equality, how many women in a family institution could spend at least their own earnings in an satisfactory way??

As we all know unending arguments triggers while agreeing or not agreeing to financial decisions. It can be expenses on kids toys and accessories, expenditure on extended family or friends, food and fashion so on…!! So, it’s mandatory to figure out a reasonable kind of financial management among couples which ensures equality without fail.

As we discussed earlier, let’s have a sneak-peek of various financial management systems exist and its credibility in ensuring equality..!!

1.Female as the treasurer: I have observed this kind of finance management in families that followed matriarchal system, where everyone in the family including husband, hands over their earnings to eldest female of the family. And you know, even though women had the power to control the finance she never took advantage of it. In most of the cases Men took the final decisions and she just remained as the treasurer. Such systems is hard to find in this modern era.

2.Household quota: This kind of money management systems are habitual among the couples where women don’t work. And partner will be allocating certain amount of money for taking care of household. Again here also men will decide on larger expenditures and she may or maynot get enough for her personnel needs. This kind of systems getting less popular these days where both of the partners are breadwinners.

3.Men the BOSS: Here, as the heading suggests Men is the one who earns and act as the financier of the family regardless of women works or not. This kind of system is good if he ensures that money is equally distributed among the couples for the personnel needs. However, the social norms and the existing gender stereotypic rules stops him from doing it. For example, if HE spends 5X for supporting his parents, he can only think about 1X or even less for supporting HER parents..!! hmm..looks like we should discuss it in detail on another post..!!

4.Joint finance management: This kind of system is familiar for most of us where both the partners incomes goes in to a joint account, and both are having access for it however, the last word will be from person with higher salary and in most cases it will be of men..!!

5.Independent financing: This is quite often observed in families with high source of income where both the couples enjoy the freedom of expenditure. And the problems arises only when this high source get diminished because of the unwise and uncontrolled expenses ..!! And there an increasing trend among independent financing women, that HIS money is for supporting the Family and My Money is for myself..!! Well, that is selfishness..!! I don’t agree to that as well…!!!

So what we infer from here is that, expect in the high class families, regardless of women earns or not, she is always having a secondary place in enjoying the fruit of her hardships..!! I feel that, by the upgradation of currency to credit cards and debit cards, this inequality is arrested by smart women out there..!! Thanks to Online banking..!!

MEN AND WOMEN HAVE ROLES – THEIR ROLES ARE DIFFERENT, BUT THEIR RIGHTS ARE EQUAL.
HARRI HOLKERI

When a woman takes up a part time job or less paid job it doesn’t means that she isn’t capable of doing larger business..!! When a women decide not to work, it doesn’t means that she is lazy, it’s for raising her kids and taking care of the household..And when she is give up her dreams or taking a break from chasing her dreams, it’s not because of thinking that it’s her duty ..but out of her love and trust…!! So, to all Men out there it’s your responsibility to keep up that trust…

When a woman takes up a part time job or less paid job it doesn’t means that she isn’t capable of doing larger business..!! When a women decide not to work, it doesn’t means that she is lazy, it’s for raising her kids and taking care of the household..And when she is give up her dreams or taking a break from chasing her dreams, it’s not because of thinking that it’s her duty ..but out of her love and trust…!!
Lafemina@anurijo

So, what’s your system of financial management..?? Are you ensuring the equality on personal expenditure in your family?? Or are you satisfied with your partners financial management?? comment your thoughts in the Comment box below..and if you like it don’t forget to <<<follow >share>reblog >like>>>

Have a wonderful week ahead..💙Anu

I call it as Assertiveness, while you call her BOSSY..!

If somebody ask me how do I define self assertiveness this will be my answer..It’s how you give voice to your emotions, thoughts and opinions while respecting others emotions ,thoughts and opinion in a polite and confident way…And I would say, the definition in itself is gender neutral..However in most of the cases, when the voice comes from a woman it is not..!! Society expect her to be silent, caring, nurturing and sacrificing and this truly turnout to be natural barriers for women to express herself and stand up for at least for herself..!!

Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels.com

Did I made things little complicated for you?? …ok..for better understanding, let me recall an incident form my experience..while there was a construction taking place in our neighbourhood, daily 20-25 back open trucks used to load mud to the spot. The overspeeded trucks contributed tons of dust to houses on either side of the street. Even all the homeowners got irritated none of them showed the courage to find a solution for the same..Atlast one teenage girl stood in the middle of the road, stopped them and asked to reduce the speed and sprinkle water throughout the street before next load..!! She was stubborn and at the beginning the drivers refused to do it but they hadn’t any go..From the very next moment, the people who enjoyed the benefits, started to defame her instead of appreciating the act..And I’m sure that if the same act was done by a teenage boy, they must have acted differently..!! Then and now I call her act as self assertiveness not Bossy..!!

When someone call you Bossy take it as an appreciation for yourself..because they unknowingly validate that you are good at your leadership skills..!!

How can we expect that the greater hurdles like gender stereotyping, violence against women, workplace inequalities..etc could be controlled even without giving them a voice to express herself..Oops..! That statement is technically wrong..!! As Meghan Markle once said, you don’t need to give her a voice..because she already got it..better you have the patience to listen to it..

“Women don’t need to find their voice. They need to feel empowered to use it, and people need to be encouraged to listen to it.
Meghan Markle-Duchess of Sussex

It’s very sad that, There are still families out there who believes that when male counterparts of the family is taking some decisions regarding some family matters, women are not supposed to express their opinion on the same..!! Which means it’s deep rooted in the society. Religion, Media, Educational system , Governance all of these continues to strengthen these kind of social norms..

And now it’s time to speak up and stand up for ourselves.When you’re self assertive-Yes, you are really free to a NO where ever it is really important..hope you remember one of my previous post on importance of saying NO..if not here is the link(https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/08/09/a-no-in-time-saves-nine/comment-page-1/)

Now, if you aren’t confident enough to be self assertive, let’s have a look in to how easy is it to practice…!!

Step 1: Check and fix if our past is blocking us from being able to self assertive.

Step 2: Manage our emotions and stay calm while expressing our thoughts.

Step 3: Convey our confidence in our words and body language. Try to be precise and clear.

Step 4: Be open for others suggestions as well and consider a compromise if appropriate.

See it’s simple as that..Once we start practicing self assertiveness, we will feel more truer to self, stand up for our rights, communicate better and resist the act of someone trying to put you down. Just look at it an ingredient in the recipe of self esteem rather than giving it a shade of gender stereotyping..

Hope this helps..How good are you at your assertiveness..?? Did anyone call you BOSSY or did you call anyone BOssy??Leave your comments in the comment box below..

HAve an wonderful day…<<LIKE>><<FOLLOW>><<REBLOG>>SHARE>>

When I stopped watching TV..step-1 to self-discipline.

Are you ready to go from chasing dreams to catching them, from beating yourself up to being your own best ally and brilliant, then you’re reading the right post.

OMG..!!a life without television..!! Yes it is possible…!!

Like most of the mommies out there I also used to spend my leisure time (you know how hard is to find it while dealing with two little humans), especially on weekends by watching movies/series…Because, for me one of the synonym for happiness was snacking and watching something on tv..!! When my little girl started kindergarten I was so busy with preaching the importance of self-discipline..Meanwhile I asked the same question to myself..And my mind begin to find mindless excuses like ‘it’s okay for mommies’ ..!! Anyhow, one fine day I decided even if I couldn’t do great things, I will try something different and productive in my own way.

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”
Napoleon Hill

Self-discipline isn’t about being perfect every day. For example, there were days in the beginning when I checked progress of the series which I used to watch..and later, where I condemn to myself and turned it off.. And it is okay as long as you’re determined and focused on the final results.

I found the 3R’s Restrict yourself & Reroute your attention and Repeat the goals and results in my mind helping me to overcome my inclination towards television ….Soon, I found more time for setting realistic and powerful goals while building a healthy reserve of resilience, moderation, focus, and determination. You’re reading the blog which I started after quitting my affinity towards television..!! Many of my friend used to ask me about how I manage the time for blogging especially amidst these lockdown days..And the answer was simple-if there’s a will there is a way..!! And I’m happy that I did it..!!

3R’s of self discipline– Restrict yourself & Reroute your attention and Repeat the goals and results in mind.
lafemina@anurijo

According to google, Self-discipline is the ability to do what you should be doing. Self-discipline often means putting off your immediate comfort or wishes in favor of long term success.

My definition for Self discipline is kind of self control for a better you.

Self discipline is a kind of self control for a better you
ANU@Lafemina

It is said that Our way to success and happiness is deeply connected to your willpower and dedication. These will keep you going towards your goals even when everything seems to go against you.

We parents are very good at teaching about the value of self discipline to our kids. How ever, before that there is a string called parent paradigm..It can be in choosing healthy food, maintaining healthy relationships, career, finance… everything matters. For the smooth functioning of all above mentioned categories, we will need to master at least some amount of self discipline or so called self control.

Well, I can’t demand my kids to stay away from the idiot box until I practice the same..right?? Because we all know kids will try to replicate what they observe in their parents.

Even if you don’t have any discipline you can start from this moment because it is like a muscle, the more you use it better you get it…yes you’re not late, there is still time for that..hope you remember one of my previous post on expiry of dreams (if not here is the link https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/06/27/who-puts-an-expiry-date-on-womens-dreams/)

In my opinion one must follow self-discipline with an optimistic attitude and spirit of adventure. You’ll need to feel empowered and encouraged if you’re going to make real change in your life.

When we visualize the benefits of doing so, in our minds we will get the strength to get through..To be frank, at first couple of weeks it’s really demanding your conscious effort to make it to a habit..and for today it’s been 6 months since I watched a movie/Netflix/Amazon/iptv..and yes I am proud of it…!! And the less known fact here is that, our life will be more blissful when you’re are watching your own creativity rather than amazing at someone’s creativity..!!

Have a wonderful day .. hope you enjoyed reading the post ..don’t forget to <<LIKE>>COMMENT>>FOLLOW>>REBLOG>>

Emotion= energy in motion; Are you doing it right?

Emotion, Emotional Intelligence..I know it’s not new terms for us..But are we doing it right??

Ok, before getting in to serious talks let me tell you a funny belief existed at our place during my childhood days.. May be some of you guys are already aware of this one..It is said that when your nose is itching or you’re sneezing all of a sudden (without any allergen trigger or cold), that means someone is speaking ill of you or criticizing you ..!! Sounds Strange right?? To know the truth behind I did a deep drive in to the subject and my findings are summarized here in this post..!!

Emotions =energy in motion

As most of you out there, I too tried googling at first. According to google, the latin derivative of the word emotion ’emotere’, literally means energy in motion. And it is said that this energy is neutral within itself. However, the way how we feel or react to a particular situation showcase an emotion as positive or negative.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Think about a life without emotions ..hmm..its really boring right?? And as long as humanity exist on this world emotional energy vibrations travel from higher to lower extreme and vice versa as shown in the above circular diagram. From the diagram is evident that, to embrace a blissful life its very essential to give our emotions an positive outlook. Or else, your emotional feelings put you down or outer world will take advantage out of it..!!

Thinking how outer world taking advantage out of it??..You will get a better idea by considering how the stock market or insurance companies works..!! They are literally taking advantage of our fear and anxiety, right??? If that examples didn’t make sense think about a situation where you want to say NO to one of your close friend, or you unleashing the ager to your whining kid, or may be getting emotional on work related issues..Emotional balancing is inevitable in all these situations. To outsmart these kind of emotional strings we need to develop our emotional intelligence..it will help us to overcome difficult situations and express yourself clearly thus to build a good relationships and increase your own wellbeing.

“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy, This is physics.
-Albert Einstein

According to Newton’s law, energy can neither be created or be destroyed , it could be transferred from one state to another right??..So if our emotions are energy vibrations there’s no doubt that it is transferring to our surroundings..May be it’s not making you feel itchy or sneeze, but it is transforming and reaching the person you mentioned in your talk or even in your thoughts..wow, cool right..!! It is believed that interstellar species uses this kind of telepathic communication…!! So guys from now on think twice and hold on before you feel your emotions.

Your emotions won’t go wrong when you are doing it in the right time, for right cause, to the right person, and in the right amount.
Anu@lafemina

And when we talk about emotions, it’s also interrelated with law of attraction as well. For an example, all most all of us must have discussed about lockdown season with our friends and family right??..but, how many of us had discussed the matter in a positive way?? And if you had noticed, once you started talking negative things, the response will also end up with a negative note..So, next time when you talk about lockdown just try projecting the better side of lockdown (eg: getting more time to spend with family, saving on commute time and money something like that) and feel the difference..emotions has the power to attract things ( good- if you’re focused on positive thoughts) , into our life. Trust me, most of the popular personalities out there uses this simple trick to attract more positivity and there by more happiness to their life.

‘Let the person radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will affect in the material conditions of his life’
Nepolean Hill

I know it’s not that easy to control our emotions…And the good news is that, one can manifest their own emotions by doing meditation, forcefully focusing on good things, and staying away from negativity (can be friends, family member or media).

I know we mommies seldom get time for long meditation, kind of stuff..even if we try to figure out some time, kid number one will need assistance with washroom or kid number two will come up with some innovative stuff..last but not the least, the youngest of all, your husband will need help with finding his socks/earphone/etc..!! So the simple tip here to apply is, wisely transform these obstructive emotional energy as a fuel for achieving your goals in life…

Hope you enjoyed reading the post ..let me know what are your tricks and tips to outsmart these fatalistic emotions in the comment box below..!! And if you find this post helpful to do so, don’t forget to ..>>>>>>>>LIKE>>SHARE>>REBLOG>>COMMENT>>FOLLOW<<<<<<<<<<

A true inspiring story of a Phoenix birdie-MULLA-International youth day 2020

When we celebrate International youth day in this week (August 12-2020) I couldn’t hold myself back from writing about one of my classmate who fully recovered from a deadly cancer state and recently received inspire youth award(Kerala-state level)for her various social activities..Yes, I was lucky enough to share my grade 12 language classes with this Miss.Bold & Beautiful.

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‘Identical twins ‘👯‍♀️ are always special to us right?? Yes, she is one among them. This is what comes to my mind when I think about her.. The girl with hip-long pleated Rapunzel hair and rosary necklace, the girl who loved nature, books and travel..owner of exceptional writing skills..classical singer and dancer..whoa what not !!

Unexpected things can happen in our life when we are least expecting it..and imagine that too happening in the honeymoon months of marriage..yes, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on the 3rd month of her marriage..the divorce notice which was received on the first day of her chemo, devastated her both physically and mentally…However, she wasn’t ready to accept failure..she decided to fight..she didn’t weep or let anyone in her family to do so. She was the one who gave mental support for her parents. Even the side effects of chemo was overwhelming she decided not to spend her days inside the four walls of her house.

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It is said that sometimes bad things happens in our life, puts us directly on to the right path and all the best things will ever happen to us. And I think, this seems to be very true in her life as well. She started to deliver motivational classes, meanwhile, she got the appointment letter as teacher from one of the reputed school. She is more than a teacher to her kids at school, where she overcomes the grief of not being able to embrace a motherhood. And she continues to inspire all the life she touched.

When we choose to end the cycle of negativity and sufferings, it means that we’re strong enough to raise above all of it like a Phoenix bird.yes she is strong..

When we choose to treat others with kindness even you’re hurt and emotionally burned, it provides you immense courage and happiness throughout our life. Yes, she’s courageous and the happiest..

When we called her, by her real name Liji, she named herself as ‘MULLA’ for her rebirth, which means jasmine flower in English..I couldn’t agree more on it, because she is as pure as a Jasmine flower and spreads the aroma of inspiration throughout her life….Keep smiling girl, your smile has the power to change the world and don’t let the world to take away that smile 😊..

Now let’s talk about some of the young women activists around the world that are trying to change the world for a better place to live. And I thought for a quick and better understanding its better to tabulate them..

Name Age as of 2020 Country	Area of work	Achievements
Malala(23), Pakistan	Girls education and No to terrorism	Nobel prize winner 2014, Malala fund-a school for girls in Bekaa valley Lebanon, Book-I’m Malala (https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/08/if-a-young-blogger-malala-can-why-cant-we-malala-day-2020/ )
Bana al-Abed(11),Syria	Childhood girls education and against wars	Published a book- Dear world: A syrian girl’s story of war and plea for peace
Grace Callwood(11) Maryland,US	Cancer survivor-helping homeless and sick kids	Founder -We Cancerve 2019-Youth Award
Anika George(20) British activist	Equality for girls,boys awareness on periods.	Founder of – Free Periods-free menstrual products for the needy.
Greta Thunberg(17) Swedish activist	climate change activist	twice nominated for nobel prize, person of the year tag by TIME magazine
Jaimie Margolin(18) Seattle-US	climate Justice activist	co-executive director of Zero-Hour-a climate change action org
Marley Diaz(15) California-US	Human Diverse representation	#1000 black girls books campaign, published a book-Marley Diaz get it done: and so can you, honored by Forbes
Emma Watson(30)-the Harry potter girl Paris	Gender equality especially on media platform.	UN goodwill ambassador, launched Heforshe campaign for gender equality.

table of young women activists around the world

When I started to tabulate them, I realized that there are even much more aspiring and inspiring young minds around the world..and the list continues..which means in upcoming generations women will enjoy living in an impartial unconventional world..!!May be in the continued list there will be mine or yours name one day..right??hmm.. I know what you’re thinking now..I’m not that young or courageous to start from scratch at this age, trust me –Age is only for your skin not for your Inner self…!!Hope you remember one of our post discussing on our dreams and age..( if not here is the link- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/06/27/who-puts-an-expiry-date-on-womens-dreams/)

Youth is a state of mind, so open your mind take a second look, it’s never too late to consider the possibilities…

Experience, Desire and Perspective define our youthfulness..!!
Anu Rijo

So betated Youth day wishes to all my friends and followers out there who keeps their minds young and energetic irrespective of their age. Hope you enjoyed reading this post..feel free to <LIKE>-<COMMENT>-<FOLLOW>-<REBLOG>-<SHARE>..have a wonderful week ahead..stay blessed..!!

A ‘NO’ in time saves Nine

To feel empowered while maintaining a healthy relationship, it’s mandatory that we should master the art of saying NO without any grief. While maintaining a transparent boundary, a firm NO can also give an idea for others what to expect from you.

Most of us find it comfortable to say No to unknown people, where as hard to express the same feeling to a intimate one. Ok, let me make it clear, Recently I got a call from the duct cleaning service salesman and the moment when I came to know it’s an unwanted call I politely said No and cancelled the call. Simple as that right..?? But think about your close relative or friend constantly asking for financial help…or it may be among couples sharing romantic moments..or may be refusing an award for a good cause..?? hmm.. most my WordPress readers could link what I meant..!!

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, Make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
Paulo Coelho

And as life progresses it keep on giving us opportunities to juggle with Yes or No questions. So it’s mandatory to know how to successfully manipulate these kind of awkward moments.

‘To be happy is to wisely use the power of saying NO to some people.Don’t be afraid to disappoint people who only conveniently remember you when they want something from you.’
-Dodinsky

Here are some techniques which I try to practice and observed others handling the same.

>Adapt a clear, explicit and polite but firm kind of refusal – This is the first step towards self care. In some cases there can be some triggers that makes you angry and behave in an uncontrolled manner, this puts yourself sick and your relationship under pressure.

>Unless the opposite person asks for a reason don’t try to give explanations– this only works with people you hardly know..where as, to people closer to you it’s better to give some relevant explanations. But don’t over do it..or put so much of emotions to it.Try to keep it as simple as it could be.

>Hold on the conversation– if it was a sales representative we could cut the call or close the door.. but what if it’s happening right in your room.. ?? Then it’s wise to keep your reply to the questions minimal or walk out of the room or changing the subject to something you’re happy to talk about….!!

> Delay or no reply is also an considerative option– In some situations taking a pause before your response will make sure that you have enough time to think over the serious repercussions of your YES Or NO may cause.If you postpone your decision in this way, then better let them know your reply instead of leaving it indefinitely in the air. Remember, No reply is also a form of reply because NO itself is a complete sentence.

> Consider a Compromise – If you can’t carry out the request but sure that can do it in an modified version of the same request or if the person were able to do something in return for you consider that option. When we discuss about an alternative solution it can show that we are reasonable and flexible rather than dogmatic.

> Understand its okay to say NO– Well, it’s good to accept the fact that we are not superhumans and always agreeing with someone will cause stress and distress in our life. Make sure that the decision should be based on your available time, energy and money. On top of this our happiness matters.

I think there is no need to apologize too much because you couldn’t do what they have asked to do. And a NO in time saves nine…!!

All this strategies can be adopted in our both personal and professional life. HOPE you enjoyed reading this post, and let me know your tips and tricks for saying NO in the comment box below. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY..

feel free to >LIKE>>SHARE>>FOLLOW>>REPOST<<

Post marriage kitchen thoughts: A funny yet thoughtful analysis

Among household chores, ‘Cooking’ is a recurring task that should be accomplished on a daily basis. (here I exclusively exclude the ones with house maids and the ones who feeds on cooked freezer food for months).

I know there are many adults out there like kids who still blindly believe and follow these kinds of patriarchal norms in the society. Time has changed. While in most of the modern families where both the partners are acting as breadwinners, cooking along with other household errands is a piece of bone in her throat. And in these situations, most of us wonder, what holds my husband back and to feel like, he has no business in helping with household. So, this is a post which intends to make it possible for both the partners to participate in the art of cooking. For better understanding let’s classify people with the different mindsets.

Type A: people who believe household especially cooking is women’s jobs. I would have happily agreed with you if we lived in that nomadic era where men hunts-women cooks. Nowadays, where women are less dependent on men, this equation doesn’t seem to be balanced anymore. If this continues, I foresee in less time the equation will be reversed. So, guys out there, better equip yourself with basic living skills and be a good role model for your kids. Or else you can make some extra dollar to get a robot or maid for the job to be done. And to my knowledge cooking is a basic survival skill that every human should master. Yes, you are lucky enough to get a wife who does everything without any complaints. However, it doesn’t mean that, she doesn’t like to see you in sharing the chores.

And a word to the ladies of the same belief – you can do cooking or cleaning all by yourself if you enjoy it (I don’t think many of us will) or thinking that to help the partner. But, remember your girl and boy is looking at you. It’s ‘OK’ to get some help from the partner and don’t forget to train your boy and girl with basic skills to live independently.

Type B: To guys who think I’m not good at cooking/cleaning but my wife is really good– Do you know, if you google the best 10-20 chefs around the world 2020 you can’t find any lady chef in there. Which means you guys are talented too. And one more reminder, we girls doesn’t know all of these arts when we were born. I believe a perfect partner can learn anything to help with his wife in/out around the house.

Now coming on to the girls- give him some opportunity to try out his skills on cooking…. sometimes we will have to figure out the right chance for doing so. For instance, have you ever heard your dear one getting loquacious on his mom’s delicious cooking skills?? Girls, it’s a golden opportunity ..!! Even if it tastes yucky keeps your thumbs up..its said that man’s cooking and women’s driving are similar in terms of risk.. well, no one is perfect right huh??..Encourage him and don’t forget to be grateful..

Type C: The people who think I’m so busy with my office works and cooking is disrespectful task. I believe every work has its own dignity. Many people out there find cooking as a time for bonding and caring amidst hectic professional life. The extent to which partners share the responsibility will affect how they feel and think about each other. And if not handled properly it may seriously damage your marital status. And trust me, most of the ladies out there don’t want you guys literally to help them, but your presence in the kitchen or somewhere around her working..

And girls, it’s always a better idea to discuss and figure out about sharing the household duties before the marriage itself.

Type D : guys who enjoy cooking and helping in kitchen. Well, you guys are doing the perfect thing..And to the lucky girls who is enjoying these companionship please don’t take advantage of them all the time.

let me conclude here..so,who is cooking tonight?? time for me to cook..haha..😀I know there is a huge disconnection between what we write and what we practice in daily life. And I believe that day will come when we all enjoy living in an unconventional and unbiased society.

So, let me know to which category you belong to??

Hope you enjoyed the post don’t forget to Share your thoughts on the same…have a wonderful long-weekend…☺️

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