Anu@lafemina

Thoughts on Gender equality with a Buddhist lens

(Acrylic Buddha painting-Anu@lafemina)

Thinking what Buddha got to do with gender equality..??? Hmm.. even I didn’t have much clues, when I did this painting. Later on, in my research I figured out that my thoughts on gender equality goes in parallel with Buddhism. Which means, even if Buddhism teaches and practice gender equality they don’t like to be categorized as FEMINIST.. Like Buddhist believes, I also accept the biological differences in both gender. i.e. they cannot be EQUAL. Or can’t be compared to each other on any basis. However, this doesn’t makes a fundamental difference between men or women. Every one should be treated as HUMANS…just humans.

How many of our religions consider women as a highest priest..? But, according to Mahayana Buddhist every one is treated equally because of their Buddhist nature-i.e., ability to become Enlighted irrespective of their culture, race ,gender or flashback. According to Buddhist Canon, women are capable of reaching nirvana as men. Well, this is what google says, lets hope they truly practice this equality in their life as well.

Now coming back to the core topic, While closely observing modern feminism on a larger scale, I think it focus on “more rights ” rather than “equal rights”. Do you think this is fair..? We must understand the fact that there are certain things that sometimes men and other times women may excel. Gender equality doesn’t seeks for reservations anywhere just because you’re a woman. And there should be an authority to check every position/seats should be given to the deserved ones.

When I was a teenager I always wondered, while majority of the academic toppers are women what holds them back when progressing through their career path..? Why most of the successful person are men..? The answer is simple as this cartoon.(please bear with one of my messy drawings..)

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img_9473.jpg

I have also heard of stories where companies hesitate to hire a female candidate because of the maternity leaves and benefits they have to provide..! I think here comes the importance of paternity leaves practiced here in some western countries.

Feminism should be a urge of every woman who witness female feticide, early marriage, rape, molestation, dowry, body shaming etc.. Feminism is the belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. The ultimate goal of feminism is to challenge the systemic inequalities women face on a daily basis in our society. Bashing male counterpart for personnel gains in the name of feminism should be questioned.. Once a woman start working under the label of a feminist, she forgets/the circumstances forces her to forget about she is working towards female empowerment and equal rights.. She alone is not responsible for this , that’s how the society projects a feminist.

In our society men also faces certain kind of inequalities. But not as consequential as women, I guess..! Like, they’re more accountable for a families financial status, he’s supposed to be more bold and brave, even society don’t want HIM to cry/to be emotional in public…! A true feminist will stand for quality, irrespective of gender.. for me that’s feminism. In short, Men and women are just like wheels of a bicycle, if both works hand-in-hand we will have a smooth ride. Nothing more nothing less..!!

You may be wondering why I choose ‘gender equality’ for title rather than feminism, and hope now you have the answer. I stand for quality not under the banner of a feminist.

Okay , now let me hear your stand on Feminism. What’s your definition of equality..??share your thoughts in the comment box below..

thank you ,Anu@lafemina.

Aurora-The magical northern lights

The northern lights painted the sky with stories we hadn’t heard of yet.

We leaned back letting the colors wash over us,

And paint new dreams for us to follow.

–Robyn Petrik

Yes, when 2020 ends here, teaching human kind many lessons unlearned, we leaned back.. We embraced our loved ones instead of running behind wealth.. We lost many, in this battle.. We realized our new dimensions.. We realized only you are there for yourself..ISolatioN..Quarantine.. What not!! However, this is not the end..

So many are out there, who realized there is noting much more to loose.. So let the coming year 2021 be an fantastic year in which, we apply all the lessons learned amid these hard times.. let our sorrows from this year turn a hard base for our rejuvenated new year life, as the goddess Aurora’s tears turned in to morning dew drops.. let’s paint new dreams for us follow.. Wishing you all a very happy and prosperous New year.. Also thank you my friends for the continuous support for my blog..

Hope you enjoyed my Northern lights painting, it’s a painting from my bucket list.. longing to see it for real.. hehe.. let in 2021 all our wishes come true..

Aurora borealis-the lights of northern hemisphere, means-dawn of north.. In Roman, goddess of dawn.. FUN FACT- ”ah- ROAR -ah” ====>>Aurora====>> fox fire.

Women EMPOWERMENT through Freedom of Choice.

Do you remember the happiness post, in which we discussed earlier, where we concluded that our happiness is not by chance but, by choice..??(here is the link in case you missed it-https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/15/8-basic-rules-for-a-happy-life/ ) hmm.. but how many of us are free to choose what we want..? or what we wanted to be..?? And if you’re hooked by some strings like parents, partners, religion etc. how could you find happiness in your life..? How can you find yourself..? “Freedom of choice is a key factor in determining the degree of a person’s empowerment…”- and this statement is regardless of gender ..!

Disclaimer: When I mention ‘Freedom of choice’ here in this article it doesn’t mean that you do what ever you want to do in life, without listening to any of the above mentioned strings. In my opinion, one must be aware of the consequences and must be brave enough to undertake the responsibility of its reverberations too.

Disclaimer 2–>Our dressing style has nothing to do with the empowerment and its one’s choice.

According to Keshab Chandra Mandal female empowerment is defined in 5 levels. Social, Educational, Economic, Political and Psychological.. And how far these terms are doing justice for them..? How many girl’s are free to choose their dream career.. or how many seats are for women in leading roles..?

Mostly, women live a dependent life style on their male counterparts throughout their life. That’s what the society expect from a girl child. Apart from that, young and vibrant girls of new generation, are taking a step ahead in this subject. Thank you universe for supporting them…! However, it’s still a small percentage of the women community ..isn’t it? For instance let’s talk about a girl from a medium family in a developing country.. From the day she is born, her decisions depends on her father’s wish, after marriage her spouse takes the charge and later on, Son/son-in-law will be carrying this position later on.

BOTH ROOSTER AND HEN HAS THE FREEDOM OF CHOICE

‘Her’ choices always depends on some authoritative/emotional strings. ‘Her’ choices/decision are consistently secondary and paused by “Pending decision” by the third umpire..!! The way in which women’s decisions/choices are treated in a family reflects how much empowered are they in a society..! I have come across so many families where women are not even allowed to express their thoughts or choices where decisions are made only by the male head of the family.. This is not 18th century, This is new Pandemic era, even virus don’t exhibit any kind of discrimination.. Here, all are equal, All can Work and all can Cook. All are free to choose and be independent. Everyone is unique and talented, and their choices must to be respected equally. And, It should begin from families.. And if it is not, you should stand up for yourself ..EMPOWER YOURSELF….!!

Power can be taken, but not given.
the process of taking is empowerment in itself.
Gloria steinem

Let me conclude here by quoting Meryl Streep, “true freedom is understanding that we have a choice in WHO and WHAT we allow to have power over us“..! Every time when you’re changing your preferences for incorporating others wishes remember, you’re shutting the doors of your happiness and well being. There is only one life, live it to the fullest by listening to your heart..

Have an empowered week ahead my friends.. yes, you’re powerful than you think…

Well, Don’t forget to Share your thoughts on the post..!!

Anu@lafemina

Entering the ‘NO Fear’ Zone

As a blogger or as a person how brave are you to Enter to a No Fear Zone..? how much comfortable are you when speaking out the truth..? To do a real-time/virtual presentation..? To start a new business..? To sing a solo song/dance/solo act in front of a crowd..? How will you Rate yourself in 10 with regards to of Self-confidence..?? To be frank, I would say around 8..however, way better than the older version of myself which was half of it. And in this post I will share some of the tips I found it helpful in boosting our SELF CONFIDENCE.

You probably do not know, this one isn’t an inborn talent or nothing to do with our ancestors..! In simple words it’s something we all acquire from our surroundings in course of our early ages of life time. Parents/guardians/teachers also play a vital role in building a self-confident person. Hmm, we’ll discuss it later.. So, why it’s so important..? we all long for embracing a successful life, Right..? If we observe each an every successful personalities around, one thing will be in common.. nothing else, ‘SELF CONFIDENCE’. Studies proved the fact that, most of these success makers possessed greater self-confidence than the ordinary person. So are you ready to enter to the NO FEAR ZONE with me…? okay let’s see some simple steps to follow..

Self motivation is the best motivation : You might have come across this term in job requirements like “we’re looking for self motivated individuals..” Haven’t you..? It’s nothing but, motivating or empowering yourself throughout all pleasant and unpleasant situations. Along with that we will have to stop all negative self-criticism too. In that way we’re unknowingly reprogramming our subconscious that we’re the Best. As a result we’ll never compare ourselves with others but, only with your previous best. hmm, thinking how to do this..? Self affirmations and positive self talk ( in front of a mirror or during meditation it’s all up to you).

Self motivation is the best motivation
RIJO DAVIS

Stop thinking, Start doing: Way before I stared blogging , I had a similar thought that, when I speak from my heart what others will think about me..? And you know this thought stopped me from blogging for past 5 years..!! You might have observed that the same thought has haunted all of us and made us fail to benefit from so many situations. Just think that what you’re going to do, will be adding value yourself and to the people surrounding you . Also we need to learn how to stop over thinking.

Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.
Dale carnigie

Capitalizing your strength: The basic thing to feel confident enough about something is knowledge. As the software is updating it’s versions, we’ll need to upgrade ourselves and add value to ourselves in the area of our interest. It’s wise to fine tune our passion to build self-confidence and therefore Self-esteem as well. ((Remember ,our post on self esteem..? if not here is the linkhttps://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/04/6-simple-ways-for-boosting-your-self-esteem/ ))I have seen many people complaining that I’m jack of all trades but master of none. But, this thought is completely wrong in my opinion, Practice make a man perfect. When our time, energy and emotion travel in one direction this magic will happen by its own.

Stay away from toxic people: While we’re trying to build self-confidence, It’s really important to stay away from negative thinkers. If you can’t leave them, better learn how to ignore it. However, kids at their early ages who doesn’t know how to distinguish positive and negative people, will fall for their nasty comments.. Sometimes, this mishappening will question their self-confidence in the future life as well. I still can recall one of such incident happened at my very first on stage solo performance. Some friendly teasing words from dear ones, without considering of my age, went straight in to my heart. And for me, it took years to heal it and do any kind of solo presentation in front of public. So please.. please.. don’t let anyone one down especially kids..

You might have observed that when we talk to some people we feel so much of positive vibes, try to stay closer to them. Trust me it works..!! Again, thanks to mirror neurons.

Don’t let your fear hold you back: Half of the job is done once we define the GOALs of our life . Then we just need to focus the ways how to achieve it. When our desire is well-defined and robust there will be no room for FEAR. All that we have to do is believe in ourselves and come out of our comfort zones. Work for it and turn self-confidence to a habit, because each of us are numerous possibilities. So, believe in yourself. And don’t give room for Doubts..DO IT..DO~~UBT~~.

And at the end let me ask you a Question, to ask to yourself the moment before you start to lose your inner strength..’ if we already knew that we’re going to succeed then why to get panic to give it a try..??’

So, now tell me how confident are you..? or did anyone tried to let you down and how did you managed to come back..? Comment box is waiting for your response.

Have an amazing week ahead my friends.. Anu@lafemina

Why do you choose to keep silence against sexual harassments…?

Everyday day we come across the news of sexual harassments against women happening around us through medias. Is there any platform immune to these Sexual harassments..?? It’s an Universal truth that Sexual Harassment is pervasive. It happens anywhere at anytime including online platforms. And most of the people around us see this act as normal.. Why an improper touch or sexual comments are becoming more of like normalized these days.. ?What make us to think it is normal while it isn’t at all..! What make our girls to take a negative street comment as a compliment..??

We don’t need to learn rocket science to figure out the root causes of these evil behaviors. Its rooted in human History.. GENDER INEQUALITY/Gender Dominance..!!

Sexual harassments existed way before the #METOO movement took place. Until then, all these sufferers chose to keep quite on the issues faced by them.. Even though they had their own reasoning for hiding it, the basic reasons is that , we live in a male dominant society even in this 21st century..!! And I strongly believe it’s not because the they keep silence, instead their voices aren’t heard. Okay, lets instead of talking about the instances I have heard from medias let me talk on the matter by sharing some incidents happened in front of my eyes.

guys, you should speak up right away—this isn’t normal

Incident 1: Once a teenage girl was travelling in a crowded public transit and you can imagine the customary happening if you’re from South..! One gentle man who still got some confusion with his Mom and Sisters started to bother her. Even though anger and frustration conquered her mind, out of fear she held her tongue back. To her surprise an elderly brave woman questioned him and made him throw out of the bus. Even though Mr. Gentle man tried to react to the situation he couldn’t withstand once the girl also accused him. The little girl learned to speak up for herself.

Incident 2: Same girl and friends was traveling through other state and experienced a similar situation. And this time, there wasn’t any room for second thoughts.. she reacted with her whole strength. She hit him.. the next stop he got down from the bus..! She didn’t bother about what other people will think about this.. She knew that THIS IS NOT NORMAL and what she did was right…! Since this time perpetrator was a decent old man and she didn’t knew the regional language of that place none was there on her side. Spectators point was, Hitting an old man was greater offense than what he did to her.. Woah..!! What a non-sense..!! Will they react the same if it happened to their sister or daughter..?? She must have slapped on his face instead, that’s what I will recommend..!!

Well, the story didn’t ended there..! While the heated discussion went on, a college guy of that native showed the braveness to come forward and support her. He explained what he saw and stood by her as her brother..! No more comments..!!that’s it..!!

Don’t wait for another #me too for speaking up ..!!

This is not about gender..! Can you even believe that barely boys are also subjected to these kind of sexual harassments. An intentional touch without mutual consent must be questioned regardless of the gender..!!

So, now the question is why this happens every now and then in women’s case and rarely in men’s ..? Here are some of my observations and findings to arrest these kind of behaviors.

Strict laws and its execution: A Sexy talk or a comment or a touch all these comes under Sexual harassments by law.. hmm.. most of the laws are only in books not getting in to practice. Once concern Authorities must make sure that these laws are well executed.

Equal Power: As RBG once said women belongs to all places where decisions are being made..Most of the girls hesitate to speak up against these kind of issues because they know what will happen at the end of the case. Well there is a ray of hope since one of the developed country got its first lady vice president elect..And you know Kamala Harris better..!!

Let it start from our families: Teach boys and girls to Respect each others privacy and limits.. and be a good role model. when I say role model stop the dirty-dirty talks in front of our kids, speak up if some one bothers you and give the courage for your kids to do speak up in such instances. When they complain about some one or something take it seriously. stand by them instead of shouting at them..!

Stand by the victim not by the culprit: With out asking for how she was dressed , what time did she travel, whom she was with… all such irrelevant questions have a heart to show kindness to the prey.

Let also the gender equality start from families

( hope you remember one of my previous post on the same – if not, here is the link—> https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/24/gender-stereotyping-unintendedly-rooted-in-modern-families-too/) because all theses inequalities pave the way for a male dominant world and as a result these kind of acts spikes on a day to day basis.

Okay, let me stop here.. So, Have you ever face such kind of harassments and kept quite..? or When you reacted what happened..? do you have some suggestions for arresting these kind of acts..?? let the comment box be the space to speak up..

So have an amazing week ahead..Anu@lafemina

The Virtual Villain

Online learning platforms and the troubles caused by it, existed way before the covid- 19 movement restrictions took place. However, it never affected school aged kids. But now when the possibilities of virtual learning took shape amidst this pandemic, most of us around the globe opted it out of fear..!! Now, let’s have a sneak peek over some of the difficulties caused by the virtual learning..!

Health issues – increase in obesity of kids, over stress for eyes, poster and related issues, over screen time..so on

Learning and teaching issues– limited hands on learning, bored and distracted kids for longer sessions, lack of resources and time, fewer in person interaction, kids lack friendship and bonding..so on

Technical issues – slow internet, background noise and distractions, lack of knowledge of staff and kids how to utilize maximum out of virtual classes..

Financial Issues-lack of financial support to get access to high speed internet or supporting devices. Even if most of the schools supported kids with necessary gadgets, we came across the news from some developing countries where, kids who committed suicide in grief of not being able to afford laptop/internet..!!

When compared to the trouble caused by the coronavirus to the humankind, all these above mentioned troubles aren’t major..! But there is something which is much serious than all of these issues that we must be aware of ..have you ever thought about it?? Do you know online predators are much more aware of these uncertain times and already started their groundwork to reach to our kids..!!

How secure is your kids data on a class website..??

Earlier when children where under the safe boundaries of school, these online predators seldom got a chance to connect with them. However the situations changed . Our kid’s personnel data including pictures and videos are readily available for hackers to retrieve it. Moreover, since both parents are working these days, most of the parents allowed kids to use the internet supported system to explore learning and to chat with adults in private spaces. Sexual harassments, Cyber bullying, Sending contents with negative connotations – including porn videos, sexual content, gender discrimination, racial discriminations, provoking religious contents, target defaming, glorified contents on drugs all similar cyber crimes spiked during this corona season.

It's an offendable crime-say no to cyber bullying — It’s an offendable crime-say no to cyber bullying

Hmm, I know I know what you guys are thinking now..! Pretty much familiar with bullying right..? But what is Cyber bullying..??In simple words both are same, the only difference here is, in the latter one bullying is through any electronic medium. got it.?

And as a parent or care taker its our responsibility to create a safe and positive environment for our kids .Let’s see what all safety measures we should follow to arrest these risk factors.

Security: Make sure the device your kids using for virtual learning is protected by a good anti-virus. This itself will do half of the job..! In some cases adds pop up from unsecured sites and there are probabilities where kids ends up in clicking it accidently and launching on a wrong website..! This happens especially when adults other than the kid who using the same system visited those kind of awful sites before. Hope you got what I meant..!! If possible go on kids mode, which means, there are devices especially designed for kids , where parents can control duration, content ,websites which they can visit. However, this option doesn’t work with older kids.so, what is next..?

Step1 for controlling cyber crimes- 'Security' — Step1 for controlling cyber crimes- ‘Security’

2.Thump Rules of virtual learning:

–>If possible let them sit in an open space like living room or family room where parents/guardians can keep an eye on them.

–>Always check whether they are wearing uniforms or professional dress code. It is a good practice to give a role model to our kids by following digital etiquettes while working from home.

– ->double check time boundaries on synchronized and asynchronized learning time.

3. Connect with them: Try to collect data from kids about what all things happened on that day, just as we use to do while kids went to face to face learning at schools. Don’t take it so easy since kids are learning from comfort of home. Closely observe their behavior, watch out for any distress signs and other activities. If something like cyber bullying bothers him/her try to arrest it at the beginning stages itself. Also, if needed you can get help from school authorities, police or doctors.

4. Keep password for Social apps and E-commerce site: Its an habitual behavior of we parents to save passwords for all social apps and e-commerce websites. Its really important that the passwords aren’t saved on the devices which our kids use for learning. Or else we will come to know the serious repercussions only once our bank balance is empty. hehe.. just kidding..!!

Well, that is enough of the flip side discussion..!!As a parent of a kindergartener I’m cent percent happy and could stay peaceful with the virtual learning, also kids are performing well than expected. They aren’t tired of commute and gets lots of time for learning and extra-curricular activities. Which is really significant. And I wish this paradigm shift of this learning platform stay longer. if we take care of little things mentioned above then, it’s one of the best thing happened to our educational system s so far. I know some of you guys won’t agree with me on this.. right..? Still, Let’s try embrace the finest part of this new technology amidst these hard times and hopefully our resilience will lead us to the path of victory once everything is back to normal..!!

30 Inspirational Quotes for Teachers - GradeCam

So how is your kids online learning going..? have you took proper measures to arrest all kind of troubles which could turn virtual learning to a villain..? Are you happy with this new platform..? Do you have some suggestions to get maximum out of it..? Share your thoughts in the comment box below. Have a fantastic week ahead.

Thank you -Lafemina@anurijo

Thoughts to reframe for pausing gender inequalities

One day in my childhood days, I was playing Football with my cousins. And all of a sudden, my granny called out for me and asked me to never repeat it because, I’m a grown up girl and football is not for girls..!! Up till now, I don’t understand the logic behind what is wrong when a girl play so called boy’s games..!!

Recently, an Indian Actress who was carrying at the time of her partner’s demise, posted a pic of her baby shower ..And the Smile on her face was the most prettiest and saddest thing I observed on Internet on that day.. And You can Imagine, the kind of unpleasant Comments bestowed under that picture..!! Why do a smile one a widow’s face irritate some vicious people out there..?? What is illegal when a widow is wearing a colorful dress or trying recover from her agony..!!

Throughout my life, I have observed and classified girls into two category..

Type A girls- the girls who obeys their parents, above average to good academics, no late night parties or hanging outs with boy friends. Never got listed in society bad list, pressurized and got married at early ages. Way before getting grip or launching her dream career and may have a job or later quit it.. Yes, then everyone tell, her partner is earning enough then why should she go to work…!! Later on, ends up as the private property of her husband…!! Now, do you think that the life, which dedicated for keeping a good track record among the society people will glorify you..???

Nopes..!! The same people will say, she wasn’t that brilliant or brave enough to have a brighter career..just somehow managed to get good scores on academics..!! Suppose, she got divorced What..!, can’t she keep a man..? Suppose, her partner cheats her or not having a baby after couple of years It’s all her fault..!! Suppose, she got married again- What..!, did she mourn enough or Did she purposely harm her earlier partner for this..? bla bla bla… Hey Girls, this blah blah never ends!!

Now, Type B girls: These girls seldom listen to their parents or never bother about what other people think about them. And obviously, their performance in academic varies from poor to below average. They do give a try in all of their interested areas..it may varies from glam world like modelling or acting to jobs that doesn’t give her a good respect or wages..!! Most of the times she will succeed in achieving her dream life and career.. She will live her life to the fullest..!! She don’t bother about the age when she should get tied to a knot..!!

Now just think about she got into some troubles, like Sexual harassment or something like that- the questions and speculations goes viral than a YouTube video – what was she wearing, why did she drive the car alone at that late night…etc!! None will be there on her side..!! And we already know, what the public or even sometimes their own parents call such girls.. Such an Irresponsible idiot or she is a Sl_T, gone case, it’s all her MOm’s fault..hmm..what not..?!!And now assume that she became a well renowned personality or a woman superstar, then the same people comes to praise her or to take the credit as well…!! What a contradictory thought process…! huh..??!!

So from here it’s evident that, you choose to be good like type A or to be bold like type B girls, whatever you choose the social norms hunts you from the beginning to the end..!! Don’t you think it’s time for rethinking all this ugly thoughts..?? And point here to be noted is that, if it was a BOY who progress in the similar situations, the thought process of the outside community will be entirely different. Instead of spreading rumours, they praise him…and respect him..!!

All this kind of Gender Stereotypes are a hindrance for equality and our development… Each of us understand the truth that, regardless of the gender, each one of us are unique with different talents..!! We all have different identities and it could be stigmatized under the threat of these pointless stereotyping..!! Since I quoted all examples where women are the subject, it doesn’t mean that men are safe from this threat..!! For instance, how many parents will support a boy who’s interested in cooking ,nursing, tailoring..?? And would these élite class people sit quiet, when a BOY child pursue his dream career ..??

So the only way out is, live our life to the fullest , never give ears to this kind of public talks and if possible TEACH YOUR KIDS to mind their own business..!! How can we expect a change until we are treating others in a way that, you don’t want to get treated..?? Let it begin from the families…be a good role model for your kids especially by avoiding judging others in front of our kids…( as we discussed in one of our earlier post- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/24/gender-stereotyping-unintendedly-rooted-in-modern-families-too/ ). And there will be a huge difference, IF our government, workplace and educational system take necessary measures to arrest gender stereotyping too..!!

Until you treat everyone as an equal, you have no right to complain about the treatment you receive from anyone.
kushandwisdom

Let Us live and Let others to live…I’m still hopeful that we together can create a world where all are equal and just treated as humans..!!

..Have you ever came across such kind of situations..how did you reacted to it..??Don’t you think this should change..??And let me know your thoughts on the same in the comment box below..have a fantastic weekend guys..

feel free to ….Like…Share…Follow…..Comment…repost……!!!

Violence against women – hindrance for equality, peace and development.

It’s a known fact that, Violence against women is deeply rooted in the history of human civilizations…and the undisputed cause for this human rights violation is the physical difference between both genders and religion/tradition..!! Even though we upgraded so many technology and living standards, this phenomenon remained the same..!!

It looks like Nobody took the initiative to give voice, against this violence against women until in the mid centuries some feminist movement came in to existence. However, the overruled patriarchal system gave men a superior power over the females, hence till date these movements couldn’t ensure necessary elements like safety, equality and peaceful environment for each and every woman out there..!

“Violence against women is perhaps the most shameful human rights violation, and it is perhaps the most pervasive. It knows no boundaries of geography, culture or wealth. As long as it continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace.”
Kofi Annan

When I say violence against women, it varies from in-home partner violence to child marriages, abuses and female foeticide..Which means, this is faced by almost all age groups of women in the society. I know what you’re are thinking right now..about the laws which ensures women’s rights ..Do you think that laws alone can ensure women’s well being and equality..??Don’t you feel like it’s high time to come out of it for a better world..?Just think, how can a country develop without giving equal rights to all its people..??

Unfortunately,violence against women is not the only injustice women face globally;It is one of many inequalities that impede the full development of socially excluded women globally
Zainab Salbi

I feel that there is no point of over and over addressing the same matter rather, lets focus on what we as an INDIVIDUAL can do to arrest this kind of brutalities towards weaker communities.

Let it start from home- a note to couples : The moment when we hear ‘it’s a boy’ the air fills with joy and when it’s a girl most of the couples get tensed…we can’t blame them, that’s what our society setup for welcoming a girl child. Reports from all over the globe, depicts the fact that Lockdown and work/learn from home amidst covid-19 helped in control of the spread of virus. However, it also marked a spike in the domestic violence especially against women. In my opinion Home should be a place where everyone should feel safe and comfortable…and what if it’s not like that..!!

Violence against women continues unless the situation at the home changes..let our boy child learn from us how to respect women and let our girl child feel empowered. Hmm.. I can guess what you guys are thinking..! – ‘No I never raised hand over my partner, cowardice does that..’ hmm.., well violence can also exist in the form of emotional violence or rather verbal too..!! God created men much physically stronger than women is to protect her not to conquer her. So give respect and take respect…let this act of self respect begin from our home..

We need more men with the guts, with the courage , with the strength, with the moral integrity to break our complicit silence to challenge each other and to stand with women and not against them.
Jackson Katz

To boys and girls: No matter what a girl wear, what is does, what she looks, what she talks, what is the time, how she behaves or is she alone ..it’s a big NO to touch her without her permission..remember, it’s cowardice act..yes you can stay as a good friend or caring brother..

And to girls, it’s ok to move out of a toxic relationship..it’s Okay to be assertive and make clear on your stand and give a second chance if they deserve it…If not, Don’t think about what society will feel about you or you will be a burden for your parents..! Show the courage to Speak up, stand up for yourself..And then you’ll be proud that you’re a survivor not a victim anymore..Yes, you deserve a better life..!

“Use the darkness of your past to propel you to a brighter future.”
― Donata Joseph

Use the technology wisely for help.. get connected to your roots or to women shelter or organization to prevent abuses against women in your place..Even it’s okay to learn some martial arts for existence..haha..sounds funny..? Nope, nowadays parents including me with a girl child is giving more importance for it rather than teaching dance and music..!!

“Each time a woman stands up for herself without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”
— Maya Angelou

Don’t you remember our Malala’s post ..just think what happened when she stood up for herself..(if you haven’t read that post here is the link- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/08/if-a-young-blogger-malala-can-why-cant-we-malala-day-2020/).

And just know that you’re not alone..If you know someone who really needs help, reach out to them , give the courage to speak up or move out and stand by them..

So let’s work together against violence against women ..and do you have more suggestions to the list..?? Let me know your thoughts on the same in the comment box below..and don’t forget to <<<like >>share >> reblog >>follow >>..Have a wonderful week ahead..

Anu Rijo

6 Simple yet powerful ways for regaining your self- motivation..!!

Do you feels like Stuck somewhere in life?? Do you feels like your inner driving force that once guided you is lost at someone point of life..?? Then you should continue reading..

It can vary from getting sticked to an insensible job position for a man to loosing that driving force to focus on career after marriage or post-delivery, for a woman..! In any mentioned scenarios, one can’t find true happiness in their life or feel contented..!

Since I’m an engineer I can better explain things better with Newton law of motion-According to which, a body continues to be in a state of rest or state of motion until or unless it’s acted upon by an external force..and the only difference here is that to move closer to our dreams from a point where we stopped, you will need an external force and here it is called self motivation which should come within ourselves ..!! hmm..Now you got little more clarity right..?? And that’s why it’s really important regain your once lost inner motivation for embracing a blissful life ..

Yes you’ll need to get your inner driving force back, to push you forward and closer to your goals …!!

Yes you can do it by following this simple yet powerful steps..!!

Practice self compassion while accepting the present situation: Suppose you are a women who stuck at home with your little ones or a men stuck at less interested workplace, Instead of thinking back an cursing yourself try to accept the current situation..It’s a habitual misbelief that self-criticizing is the best way to motivate yourself, however the truth is that it makes things much complicated. It will drain your energy and confidence and leave you behind in agony..!! Be kind to yourself and accept the current situation and start from where you’re right now.

While doing my graduation, I missed an opportunity to attend the campus interview because my aggregate marks of the first three semesters was just a point lesser than the cutoff marks..!! Without getting much disappointed and cursing my luck I just concentrated at rest of my course and managed to complete my engineering degree with first class and without any supplies– and got an opportunity to work with one of India’s prestigious organisation VSSC-Indian Space Research Organisation..See how life gives you surprises when you accept yourself and focusing on the future..!!

2. Execute two D’s-Detachment and Declutter: Once you accept the present situation and facts, figure out and stay away from the toxic people or things which is hindering your momentum. And suppose it is someone which is really close to you, instead of decluttering them practice detachment..and surround yourself with passionate people.

Do you know our brain always have a tendency to follow what the people surrounded by you is following..So now you got the point, why I mentioned surround yourself with passionate people..?? ok.. Thanks to mirror neurons..!!

3. Meditate and get out of the comfort zone: It can be overwhelming and daunting while looking for a giant leap..So better keep things simple. Aim for the lowest hanging apple. Practicing meditation will help us to get focus and clarity of our goals at the same time to silence our inner critic..!! It will also provide us with the courage to keep a step forward out of our comfort zone. If you feels meditation is much demanding for you find some time to sit alone , listen to your heart and ponder your thoughts..!!

4. Take the odds as the fuel for your motivation: As we discussed this in one of our previous post( if you have it read it here is the link-https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/15/8-basic-rules-for-a-happy-life/ ) take all that frustrations and negativities around you as the fuel for your motivation truck. Because it’s easy to get lost of the self motivation at certain points of life and this fuel works better and gives results 2X faster..!!

Everything negative- Pressure, challenges are all an opportunity for me to rise.
Kobe bryant

5. Let your thoughts and actions works synchronously: Most of our problem is we know exactly what we want, however our actions doesn’t matches with that..Which means, we tent to spent more time and energy on medias,shopping, outing, chatting..etc And how can you expect to achieve what you want in your life..!!So stop thinking much and wasting your time- start doing..let your actions convert thoughts to into reality..!!

Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality, upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.
anonymous

6. Affirmations – a secret key: Look back into your life, especially the moments you are really proud of, you love to cherish, your strengths -make a note of it and go through it every day..you can post literally anywhere you will be noticing it and reading it, if time and situations allows , then think of a plan where you write it every day..!! What I do is, keeping an affirmation note on my phone and read it every mornings…!- haha..look at heights of laziness..!! Trust me it works..!!

Hope this one helps you to regain your lost self-driving force as it did for me..!!

Have you ever felt like stuck at some point of life..?? If yes, how did you manage to regain your momentum..??comment your thoughts on the same in the comment box below..!! Have a blissful week ahead..!!don’t forget to like/share/reblog/comment/follow

His & Her Money-an Impartial talk on finance and family.

The purpose of this post is to question our household economic systems within which resources are said to be shared equitably. When I say resources, here I purely means Money Management. For better understanding we will focus on Couple-households and the implications for individuals, (especially on women) of different types of financial management.

I have heard most of the mommies with girl children, giving them advice for getting a job and being able to finance for themselves, be independent..etc..Yes, it’s totally virtuous. However, is that alone ensuring their financial independence after married life?? When we speak about equality, how many women in a family institution could spend at least their own earnings in an satisfactory way??

As we all know unending arguments triggers while agreeing or not agreeing to financial decisions. It can be expenses on kids toys and accessories, expenditure on extended family or friends, food and fashion so on…!! So, it’s mandatory to figure out a reasonable kind of financial management among couples which ensures equality without fail.

As we discussed earlier, let’s have a sneak-peek of various financial management systems exist and its credibility in ensuring equality..!!

1.Female as the treasurer: I have observed this kind of finance management in families that followed matriarchal system, where everyone in the family including husband, hands over their earnings to eldest female of the family. And you know, even though women had the power to control the finance she never took advantage of it. In most of the cases Men took the final decisions and she just remained as the treasurer. Such systems is hard to find in this modern era.

2.Household quota: This kind of money management systems are habitual among the couples where women don’t work. And partner will be allocating certain amount of money for taking care of household. Again here also men will decide on larger expenditures and she may or maynot get enough for her personnel needs. This kind of systems getting less popular these days where both of the partners are breadwinners.

3.Men the BOSS: Here, as the heading suggests Men is the one who earns and act as the financier of the family regardless of women works or not. This kind of system is good if he ensures that money is equally distributed among the couples for the personnel needs. However, the social norms and the existing gender stereotypic rules stops him from doing it. For example, if HE spends 5X for supporting his parents, he can only think about 1X or even less for supporting HER parents..!! hmm..looks like we should discuss it in detail on another post..!!

4.Joint finance management: This kind of system is familiar for most of us where both the partners incomes goes in to a joint account, and both are having access for it however, the last word will be from person with higher salary and in most cases it will be of men..!!

5.Independent financing: This is quite often observed in families with high source of income where both the couples enjoy the freedom of expenditure. And the problems arises only when this high source get diminished because of the unwise and uncontrolled expenses ..!! And there an increasing trend among independent financing women, that HIS money is for supporting the Family and My Money is for myself..!! Well, that is selfishness..!! I don’t agree to that as well…!!!

So what we infer from here is that, expect in the high class families, regardless of women earns or not, she is always having a secondary place in enjoying the fruit of her hardships..!! I feel that, by the upgradation of currency to credit cards and debit cards, this inequality is arrested by smart women out there..!! Thanks to Online banking..!!

MEN AND WOMEN HAVE ROLES – THEIR ROLES ARE DIFFERENT, BUT THEIR RIGHTS ARE EQUAL.
HARRI HOLKERI

When a woman takes up a part time job or less paid job it doesn’t means that she isn’t capable of doing larger business..!! When a women decide not to work, it doesn’t means that she is lazy, it’s for raising her kids and taking care of the household..And when she is give up her dreams or taking a break from chasing her dreams, it’s not because of thinking that it’s her duty ..but out of her love and trust…!! So, to all Men out there it’s your responsibility to keep up that trust…

When a woman takes up a part time job or less paid job it doesn’t means that she isn’t capable of doing larger business..!! When a women decide not to work, it doesn’t means that she is lazy, it’s for raising her kids and taking care of the household..And when she is give up her dreams or taking a break from chasing her dreams, it’s not because of thinking that it’s her duty ..but out of her love and trust…!!
Lafemina@anurijo

So, what’s your system of financial management..?? Are you ensuring the equality on personal expenditure in your family?? Or are you satisfied with your partners financial management?? comment your thoughts in the Comment box below..and if you like it don’t forget to <<<follow >share>reblog >like>>>

Have a wonderful week ahead..💙Anu

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