I call it as Assertiveness, while you call her BOSSY..!

If somebody ask me how do I define self assertiveness this will be my answer..It’s how you give voice to your emotions, thoughts and opinions while respecting others emotions ,thoughts and opinion in a polite and confident way…And I would say, the definition in itself is gender neutral..However in most of the cases, when the voice comes from a woman it is not..!! Society expect her to be silent, caring, nurturing and sacrificing and this truly turnout to be natural barriers for women to express herself and stand up for at least for herself..!!

Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels.com

Did I made things little complicated for you?? …ok..for better understanding, let me recall an incident form my experience..while there was a construction taking place in our neighbourhood, daily 20-25 back open trucks used to load mud to the spot. The overspeeded trucks contributed tons of dust to houses on either side of the street. Even all the homeowners got irritated none of them showed the courage to find a solution for the same..Atlast one teenage girl stood in the middle of the road, stopped them and asked to reduce the speed and sprinkle water throughout the street before next load..!! She was stubborn and at the beginning the drivers refused to do it but they hadn’t any go..From the very next moment, the people who enjoyed the benefits, started to defame her instead of appreciating the act..And I’m sure that if the same act was done by a teenage boy, they must have acted differently..!! Then and now I call her act as self assertiveness not Bossy..!!

When someone call you Bossy take it as an appreciation for yourself..because they unknowingly validate that you are good at your leadership skills..!!

How can we expect that the greater hurdles like gender stereotyping, violence against women, workplace inequalities..etc could be controlled even without giving them a voice to express herself..Oops..! That statement is technically wrong..!! As Meghan Markle once said, you don’t need to give her a voice..because she already got it..better you have the patience to listen to it..

“Women don’t need to find their voice. They need to feel empowered to use it, and people need to be encouraged to listen to it.

Meghan Markle-Duchess of Sussex

It’s very sad that, There are still families out there who believes that when male counterparts of the family is taking some decisions regarding some family matters, women are not supposed to express their opinion on the same..!! Which means it’s deep rooted in the society. Religion, Media, Educational system , Governance all of these continues to strengthen these kind of social norms..

And now it’s time to speak up and stand up for ourselves.When you’re self assertive-Yes, you are really free to a NO where ever it is really important..hope you remember one of my previous post on importance of saying NO..if not here is the link(https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/08/09/a-no-in-time-saves-nine/comment-page-1/)

Now, if you aren’t confident enough to be self assertive, let’s have a look in to how easy is it to practice…!!

Step 1: Check and fix if our past is blocking us from being able to self assertive.

Step 2: Manage our emotions and stay calm while expressing our thoughts.

Step 3: Convey our confidence in our words and body language. Try to be precise and clear.

Step 4: Be open for others suggestions as well and consider a compromise if appropriate.

See it’s simple as that..Once we start practicing self assertiveness, we will feel more truer to self, stand up for our rights, communicate better and resist the act of someone trying to put you down. Just look at it an ingredient in the recipe of self esteem rather than giving it a shade of gender stereotyping..

Hope this helps..How good are you at your assertiveness..?? Did anyone call you BOSSY or did you call anyone BOssy??Leave your comments in the comment box below..

HAve an wonderful day…<<LIKE>><<FOLLOW>><<REBLOG>>SHARE>>

When I stopped watching TV..step-1 to self-discipline.

Are you ready to go from chasing dreams to catching them, from beating yourself up to being your own best ally and brilliant, then you’re reading the right post.

Like most of the mommies out there I also used to spend my leisure time (you know how hard is to find it while dealing with two little humans), especially on weekends by watching movies/series…Because, for me one of the synonym for happiness was snacking and watching something on tv..!! When my little girl started kindergarten I was so busy with preaching the importance of self-discipline..Meanwhile I asked the same question to myself..And my mind begin to find mindless excuses like ‘it’s okay for mommies’ ..!! Anyhow, one fine day I decided even if I couldn’t do great things, I will try something different and productive in my own way.

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”

Napoleon Hill

Self-discipline isn’t about being perfect every day. For example, there were days in the beginning when I checked progress of the series which I used to watch..and later, where I condemn to myself and turned it off.. And it is okay as long as you’re determined and focused on the final results.

I found the 3R’s Restrict yourself & Reroute your attention and Repeat the goals and results in my mind helping me to overcome my inclination towards television ….Soon, I found more time for setting realistic and powerful goals while building a healthy reserve of resilience, moderation, focus, and determination. You’re reading the blog which I started after quitting my affinity towards television..!! Many of my friend used to ask me about how I manage the time for blogging especially amidst these lockdown days..And the answer was simple-if there’s a will there is a way..!! And I’m happy that I did it..!!

3R’s of self disciplineRestrict yourself & Reroute your attention and Repeat the goals and results in mind.

lafemina@anurijo

According to google, Self-discipline is the ability to do what you should be doing. Self-discipline often means putting off your immediate comfort or wishes in favor of long term success.

My definition for Self discipline is kind of self control for a better you.

Self discipline is a kind of self control for a better you

ANU@Lafemina

It is said that Our way to success and happiness is deeply connected to your willpower and dedication. These will keep you going towards your goals even when everything seems to go against you.

We parents are very good at teaching about the value of self discipline to our kids. How ever, before that there is a string called parent paradigm..It can be in choosing healthy food, maintaining healthy relationships, career, finance… everything matters. For the smooth functioning of all above mentioned categories, we will need to master at least some amount of self discipline or so called self control.

Well, I can’t demand my kids to stay away from the idiot box until I practice the same..right?? Because we all know kids will try to replicate what they observe in their parents.

Even if you don’t have any discipline you can start from this moment because it is like a muscle, the more you use it better you get it…yes you’re not late, there is still time for that..hope you remember one of my previous post on expiry of dreams (if not here is the link https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/06/27/who-puts-an-expiry-date-on-womens-dreams/)

In my opinion one must follow self-discipline with an optimistic attitude and spirit of adventure. You’ll need to feel empowered and encouraged if you’re going to make real change in your life.

When we visualize the benefits of doing so, in our minds we will get the strength to get through..To be frank, at first couple of weeks it’s really demanding your conscious effort to make it to a habit..and for today it’s been 6 months since I watched a movie/Netflix/Amazon/iptv..and yes I am proud of it…!! And the less known fact here is that, our life will be more blissful when you’re are watching your own creativity rather than amazing at someone’s creativity..!!

Have a wonderful day .. hope you enjoyed reading the post ..don’t forget to <<LIKE>>COMMENT>>FOLLOW>>REBLOG>>

Emotion= energy in motion; Are you doing it right?

Emotion, Emotional Intelligence..I know it’s not new terms for us..But are we doing it right??

Ok, before getting in to serious talks let me tell you a funny belief existed at our place during my childhood days.. May be some of you guys are already aware of this one..It is said that when your nose is itching or you’re sneezing all of a sudden (without any allergen trigger or cold), that means someone is speaking ill of you or criticizing you ..!! Sounds Strange right?? To know the truth behind I did a deep drive in to the subject and my findings are summarized here in this post..!!

Emotions =energy in motion

As most of you out there, I too tried googling at first. According to google, the latin derivative of the word emotion ’emotere’, literally means energy in motion. And it is said that this energy is neutral within itself. However, the way how we feel or react to a particular situation showcase an emotion as positive or negative.

Think about a life without emotions ..hmm..its really boring right?? And as long as humanity exist on this world emotional energy vibrations travel from higher to lower extreme and vice versa as shown in the above circular diagram. From the diagram is evident that, to embrace a blissful life its very essential to give our emotions an positive outlook. Or else, your emotional feelings put you down or outer world will take advantage out of it..!!

Thinking how outer world taking advantage out of it??..You will get a better idea by considering how the stock market or insurance companies works..!! They are literally taking advantage of our fear and anxiety, right??? If that examples didn’t make sense think about a situation where you want to say NO to one of your close friend, or you unleashing the ager to your whining kid, or may be getting emotional on work related issues..Emotional balancing is inevitable in all these situations. To outsmart these kind of emotional strings we need to develop our emotional intelligence..it will help us to overcome difficult situations and express yourself clearly thus to build a good relationships and increase your own wellbeing.

Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy, This is physics.

-Albert Einstein

According to Newton’s law, energy can neither be created or be destroyed , it could be transferred from one state to another right??..So if our emotions are energy vibrations there’s no doubt that it is transferring to our surroundings..May be it’s not making you feel itchy or sneeze, but it is transforming and reaching the person you mentioned in your talk or even in your thoughts..wow, cool right..!! It is believed that interstellar species uses this kind of telepathic communication…!! So guys from now on think twice and hold on before you feel your emotions.

Your emotions won’t go wrong when you are doing it in the right time, for right cause, to the right person, and in the right amount.

Anu@lafemina

And when we talk about emotions, it’s also interrelated with law of attraction as well. For an example, all most all of us must have discussed about lockdown season with our friends and family right??..but, how many of us had discussed the matter in a positive way?? And if you had noticed, once you started talking negative things, the response will also end up with a negative note..So, next time when you talk about lockdown just try projecting the better side of lockdown (eg: getting more time to spend with family, saving on commute time and money something like that) and feel the difference..emotions has the power to attract things ( good- if you’re focused on positive thoughts) , into our life. Trust me, most of the popular personalities out there uses this simple trick to attract more positivity and there by more happiness to their life.

‘Let the person radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will affect in the material conditions of his life’

Nepolean Hill

I know it’s not that easy to control our emotions…And the good news is that, one can manifest their own emotions by doing meditation, forcefully focusing on good things, and staying away from negativity (can be friends, family member or media).

I know we mommies seldom get time for long meditation, kind of stuff..even if we try to figure out some time, kid number one will need assistance with washroom or kid number two will come up with some innovative stuff..last but not the least, the youngest of all, your husband will need help with finding his socks/earphone/etc..!! So the simple tip here to apply is, wisely transform these obstructive emotional energy as a fuel for achieving your goals in life…

Hope you enjoyed reading the post ..let me know what are your tricks and tips to outsmart these fatalistic emotions in the comment box below..!! And if you find this post helpful to do so, don’t forget to ..>>>>>>>>LIKE>>SHARE>>REBLOG>>COMMENT>>FOLLOW<<<<<<<<<<

A true inspiring story of a Phoenix birdie-MULLA-International youth day 2020

When we celebrate International youth day in this week (August 12-2020) I couldn’t hold myself back from writing about one of my classmate who fully recovered from a deadly cancer state and recently received inspire youth award(Kerala-state level)for her various social activities..Yes, I was lucky enough to share my grade 12 language classes with this Miss.Bold & Beautiful.

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‘Identical twins ‘👯‍♀️ are always special to us right?? Yes, she is one among them. This is what comes to my mind when I think about her.. The girl with hip-long pleated Rapunzel hair and rosary necklace, the girl who loved nature, books and travel..owner of exceptional writing skills..classical singer and dancer..whoa what not !!

Unexpected things can happen in our life when we are least expecting it..and imagine that too happening in the honeymoon months of marriage..yes, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on the 3rd month of her marriage..the divorce notice which was received on the first day of her chemo, devastated her both physically and mentally…However, she wasn’t ready to accept failure..she decided to fight..she didn’t weep or let anyone in her family to do so. She was the one who gave mental support for her parents. Even the side effects of chemo was overwhelming she decided not to spend her days inside the four walls of her house.

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It is said that sometimes bad things happens in our life, puts us directly on to the right path and all the best things will ever happen to us. And I think, this seems to be very true in her life as well. She started to deliver motivational classes, meanwhile, she got the appointment letter as teacher from one of the reputed school. She is more than a teacher to her kids at school, where she overcomes the grief of not being able to embrace a motherhood. And she continues to inspire all the life she touched.

When we choose to end the cycle of negativity and sufferings, it means that we’re strong enough to raise above all of it like a Phoenix bird.yes she is strong..

When we choose to treat others with kindness even you’re hurt and emotionally burned, it provides you immense courage and happiness throughout our life. Yes, she’s courageous and the happiest..

When we called her, by her real name Liji, she named herself as ‘MULLA’ for her rebirth, which means jasmine flower in English..I couldn’t agree more on it, because she is as pure as a Jasmine flower and spreads the aroma of inspiration throughout her life….Keep smiling girl, your smile has the power to change the world and don’t let the world to take away that smile 😊..

Now let’s talk about some of the young women activists around the world that are trying to change the world for a better place to live. And I thought for a quick and better understanding its better to tabulate them..

Name
Age as of 2020
Country
Area of workAchievements
Malala(23),
Pakistan
Girls education and
No to terrorism
Nobel prize winner 2014,
Malala fund-a school for girls in Bekaa valley
Lebanon, Book-I’m Malala
(https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/08/if-a-young-blogger-malala-can-why-cant-we-malala-day-2020/ )
Bana al-Abed(11),SyriaChildhood girls education
and against wars
Published a book-
Dear world: A syrian girl’s story of war and plea for peace
Grace Callwood(11)
Maryland,US
Cancer survivor-helping homeless and sick kidsFounder -We Cancerve
2019-Youth Award
Anika George(20)
British activist
Equality for girls,boys awareness on periods.Founder of – Free Periods-free menstrual products for the needy.
Greta Thunberg(17)
Swedish activist
climate change activisttwice nominated for nobel prize,
person of the year tag by TIME magazine
Jaimie Margolin(18)
Seattle-US
climate Justice activistco-executive director of Zero-Hour-a climate change action org
Marley Diaz(15) California-USHuman Diverse representation#1000 black girls books campaign, published a book-Marley Diaz get it done: and so can you, honored by Forbes
Emma Watson(30)-the Harry potter girl
Paris
Gender equality especially on media platform.UN goodwill ambassador, launched Heforshe campaign for gender equality.
table of young women activists around the world

When I started to tabulate them, I realized that there are even much more aspiring and inspiring young minds around the world..and the list continues..which means in upcoming generations women will enjoy living in an impartial unconventional world..!!May be in the continued list there will be mine or yours name one day..right??hmm.. I know what you’re thinking now..I’m not that young or courageous to start from scratch at this age, trust me –Age is only for your skin not for your Inner self…!!Hope you remember one of our post discussing on our dreams and age..( if not here is the link- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/06/27/who-puts-an-expiry-date-on-womens-dreams/)

Youth is a state of mind, so open your mind take a second look, it’s never too late to consider the possibilities…

Experience, Desire and Perspective define our youthfulness..!!

Anu Rijo

So betated Youth day wishes to all my friends and followers out there who keeps their minds young and energetic irrespective of their age. Hope you enjoyed reading this post..feel free to <LIKE>-<COMMENT>-<FOLLOW>-<REBLOG>-<SHARE>..have a wonderful week ahead..stay blessed..!!

A ‘NO’ in time saves Nine

To feel empowered while maintaining a healthy relationship, it’s mandatory that we should master the art of saying NO without any grief. While maintaining a transparent boundary, a firm NO can also give an idea for others what to expect from you.

Most of us find it comfortable to say No to unknown people, where as hard to express the same feeling to a intimate one. Ok, let me make it clear, Recently I got a call from the duct cleaning service salesman and the moment when I came to know it’s an unwanted call I politely said No and cancelled the call. Simple as that right..?? But think about your close relative or friend constantly asking for financial help…or it may be among couples sharing romantic moments..or may be refusing an award for a good cause..?? hmm.. most my WordPress readers could link what I meant..!!

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, Make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”

Paulo Coelho

And as life progresses it keep on giving us opportunities to juggle with Yes or No questions. So it’s mandatory to know how to successfully manipulate these kind of awkward moments.

‘To be happy is to wisely use the power of saying NO to some people.Don’t be afraid to disappoint people who only conveniently remember you when they want something from you.’

-Dodinsky

Here are some techniques which I try to practice and observed others handling the same.

>Adapt a clear, explicit and polite but firm kind of refusal – This is the first step towards self care. In some cases there can be some triggers that makes you angry and behave in an uncontrolled manner, this puts yourself sick and your relationship under pressure.

>Unless the opposite person asks for a reason don’t try to give explanations– this only works with people you hardly know..where as, to people closer to you it’s better to give some relevant explanations. But don’t over do it..or put so much of emotions to it.Try to keep it as simple as it could be.

>Hold on the conversation– if it was a sales representative we could cut the call or close the door.. but what if it’s happening right in your room.. ?? Then it’s wise to keep your reply to the questions minimal or walk out of the room or changing the subject to something you’re happy to talk about….!!

> Delay or no reply is also an considerative option– In some situations taking a pause before your response will make sure that you have enough time to think over the serious repercussions of your YES Or NO may cause.If you postpone your decision in this way, then better let them know your reply instead of leaving it indefinitely in the air. Remember, No reply is also a form of reply because NO itself is a complete sentence.

> Consider a Compromise – If you can’t carry out the request but sure that can do it in an modified version of the same request or if the person were able to do something in return for you consider that option. When we discuss about an alternative solution it can show that we are reasonable and flexible rather than dogmatic.

> Understand its okay to say NO– Well, it’s good to accept the fact that we are not superhumans and always agreeing with someone will cause stress and distress in our life. Make sure that the decision should be based on your available time, energy and money. On top of this our happiness matters.

I think there is no need to apologize too much because you couldn’t do what they have asked to do. And a NO in time saves nine…!!

All this strategies can be adopted in our both personal and professional life. HOPE you enjoyed reading this post, and let me know your tips and tricks for saying NO in the comment box below. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY..

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Post marriage kitchen thoughts: A funny yet thoughtful analysis

Among household chores, ‘Cooking’ is a recurring task that should be accomplished on a daily basis. (here I exclusively exclude the ones with house maids and the ones who feeds on cooked freezer food for months).

I know there are many adults out there like kids who still blindly believe and follow these kinds of patriarchal norms in the society. Time has changed. While in most of the modern families where both the partners are acting as breadwinners, cooking along with other household errands is a piece of bone in her throat. And in these situations, most of us wonder, what holds my husband back and to feel like, he has no business in helping with household. So, this is a post which intends to make it possible for both the partners to participate in the art of cooking. For better understanding let’s classify people with the different mindsets.

Type A: people who believe household especially cooking is women’s jobs. I would have happily agreed with you if we lived in that nomadic era where men hunts-women cooks. Nowadays, where women are less dependent on men, this equation doesn’t seem to be balanced anymore. If this continues, I foresee in less time the equation will be reversed. So, guys out there, better equip yourself with basic living skills and be a good role model for your kids. Or else you can make some extra dollar to get a robot or maid for the job to be done. And to my knowledge cooking is a basic survival skill that every human should master. Yes, you are lucky enough to get a wife who does everything without any complaints. However, it doesn’t mean that, she doesn’t like to see you in sharing the chores.

Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

And a word to the ladies of the same belief – you can do cooking or cleaning all by yourself if you enjoy it (I don’t think many of us will) or thinking that to help the partner. But, remember your girl and boy is looking at you. It’s ‘OK’ to get some help from the partner and don’t forget to train your boy and girl with basic skills to live independently.

Type B: To guys who think I’m not good at cooking/cleaning but my wife is really good– Do you know, if you google the best 10-20 chefs around the world 2020 you can’t find any lady chef in there. Which means you guys are talented too. And one more reminder, we girls doesn’t know all of these arts when we were born. I believe a perfect partner can learn anything to help with his wife in/out around the house.

Now coming on to the girls- give him some opportunity to try out his skills on cooking…. sometimes we will have to figure out the right chance for doing so. For instance, have you ever heard your dear one getting loquacious on his mom’s delicious cooking skills?? Girls, it’s a golden opportunity ..!! Even if it tastes yucky keeps your thumbs up..its said that man’s cooking and women’s driving are similar in terms of risk.. well, no one is perfect right huh??..Encourage him and don’t forget to be grateful..

Type C: The people who think I’m so busy with my office works and cooking is disrespectful task. I believe every work has its own dignity. Many people out there find cooking as a time for bonding and caring amidst hectic professional life. The extent to which partners share the responsibility will affect how they feel and think about each other. And if not handled properly it may seriously damage your marital status. And trust me, most of the ladies out there don’t want you guys literally to help them, but your presence in the kitchen or somewhere around her working..

And girls, it’s always a better idea to discuss and figure out about sharing the household duties before the marriage itself.

Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Type D : guys who enjoy cooking and helping in kitchen. Well, you guys are doing the perfect thing..And to the lucky girls who is enjoying these companionship please don’t take advantage of them all the time.

let me conclude here..so,who is cooking tonight?? time for me to cook..haha..😀I know there is a huge disconnection between what we write and what we practice in daily life. And I believe that day will come when we all enjoy living in an unconventional and unbiased society.

So, let me know to which category you belong to??

Hope you enjoyed the post don’t forget to Share your thoughts on the same…have a wonderful long-weekend…☺️

‘Gender Stereotyping’-Unintendedly rooted in modern families too??

In this article I’m attempting to explore the fluky gender biasing in modern parenting.. Ok, before starting let me explain the situation which made me to do this post…While searching a present for my little girls 4th birthday, my husband who knew her wish chose a box with lot of cars..’What..racing car set for girls’?? this is what you might be thinking right…??Well, my pre-programmed mind also raised a similar concern!! And it took awhile for my mind to agree with them..!!

This kind of stereotyping begins from the the moment when we welcomes a newborn to this world..Some cases even before that..!! Blue for boys-Pink for girls..Racing cars for boys-Kitchen play set for girls..well, the color coding in hospitals make sense to certain extent. However, when we go behind the gender stereotyped toys without realising the clever marketing strategies, it seriously affects our kids psychological and physical development.

Photo by Tatiana Syrikova on Pexels.com

When we prefer a kitchen toy set for you girl child, you are unintentionally programming your kid that in a family system, cooking is the responsibility of a woman. Gender stereotyping matters when in the modern world where women acquire the role of the breadwinner and she is imposed with the household chores as well.

Recently, I happen to listen an interesting interview of a film actress, where she was asked about how she could manage both personal and professional life. And to my surprise she answered it by saying that, tonight she is going to ask the same question to all the men out there..!! Yes the statement delivered on social norms on sex discrimination was thought provoking. Sometimes this kind of discriminatory acts and words creates so much of melancholy and agony in a girl’s mind !!

Let me recall an incident from my own childhood. In our annual family meet event there used to session to congratulate the topper of any public examinations. To my knowledge, I was the topper in grade 10 public exams and was pampering my dreams of receiving the award for the merit. And to my disappointment, my name wasn’t called on the stage..Later I came to know the truth that, since I’m the daughter of a woman in the family, I can’t be considered for the award..!! Words are less to explain the feelings which passed through my little mind in those days..!

The gender stereotypes introduced in childhood are reinforced throughout our lives and become self-fulfilling prophesies. Most leadership positions are held by men, so women don’t expect to achieve them, and that becomes one of the reasons they don’t.

Sheryl Sandberg

In my opinion, it’s high time that we parents should have taken necessary actions to raise our kids as gender neutral to ensure gender equality in day-to -day life. Let’s have a look at what we can practice to swipeout the gender inequalities at least for the future generation.

1. Be a good role model for your kids : Share the household duties without hesitation. There’s no chores designed for a particular gender in a house. I know it’s hard for the male readers of this post. That’s how we were raised. However, just think about your kids future then you will feel better. We can also show them real life examples like a male nurse, a female pilot, a male chef or a female prime minister..

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

2. Say no to gender biased toys : I don’t think toys have a gender. When we force our kids to choose girls or boys toys, we unknowingly hinder the development of certain skills which may help your kids to succeed in their future. Our kids interest matters…!!So think twice before dressing up your girl as princess and boy as pirates for next halloween.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

3. Say goodbye to Inky Pinky Pongies : When you buy kids stuff I always try to choose a neutral color of my kids…eg: Yellow bag, Ash Boots, Black stroller..!! And by doing this you could easily reuse your girls stuff for your boy.Don’t fall for the smart marketing tactics.

Let our kids choose their favourite colours..no more inky pinkies..!!

4. Try to accept the fact that Girl or Boy both are our kids: I have seen families keeping their girl child away from the family business and smartly handling over the business to boy child. Remember we discussed about this before as well( if you don’t link follows- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/08/if-a-young-blogger-malala-can-why-cant-we-malala-day-2020/). Give them equal love and care.

I strongly believe that gender equality should begin from families, from the unbiased parenting of each parent..!! Have you faced any such kind of discriminations in this modern world…??What is your parenting style? Or do you unknowingly follow any such kind of biased parenting strategies.. Let me know your thoughts on the same in the comment section below….IF you like the post feel free to share..reblog..like..follow..!!

8 basic rules for a happy life

Wait, What?? Just 8 steps for happiness..?? Yes, you read it right…!! Who on earth doesn’t want to be happy?? Throughout my life, I haven’t met at least one person, who doesn’t want to be happy. According to me ‘happiness’ is a feeling which comes within me, when I’m proud of something that I did..and I don’t believe in momentarily happiness, because I feel they are unhealthy in a way or just memories…!! So, let’s see how we can embrace a blissful life.

Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

1.No one should make you angry without your permission: To my knowledge, ‘Anger’ is responsive feeling of every living things in an annoying environment. There are moments especially for parents, where we all unleash our anger and shout at kids. And most of the times, we may feel guilty afterwards. When we allow outer world to access our inner world, there is no guarantee that you can maintain your inner peace. So, it’s very important that we should hold the strings of our feelings and never let anyone to steal our joy. Well, in these lockdown days I’m practicing the same and I know it’s not that easy task. However, I believe practice and patience are the keys for achieving this power of perception..

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

2. Live in present and accept the moment and yourself as it is: Do you remember in one of our previous post we discussed about the mindless act of wasting our time and energy about the things that we cannot change..( if not here is the link- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/07/04/6-simple-ways-for-boosting-your-self-esteem/)

Accept- then Act…Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it…Not against it..This will miraculously transform your whole life..

Eckhart Tolle

For greater understanding, I can share a personal moment using this acceptance key. While my last visit to India, we went to Munnar (hill station-south India)to see the spectacular view of neelakurinji (Strobilanthes Kunthianus) blooms which is only once in 12 years …our family including kids who were in the heights of excitement, patiently waited in the endless queue and then hiked around 2 km to the tippity top of the mountain to see the dreamy valley bathed in blue shades..

A random click from the way to the spectacular view of Neelakurinji-Munnar

Atlast, for our disappointment there wasn’t any blue blooms…all of it were dried out … I freaked out..you can imagine the level of disappointment..it begin with thinking of opting a wrong destination for the trip..!!And wondered why at least one of the returning tourist didn’t gave us a clue…!! And then I looked around and saw people grimacing and murmuring to themselves..Then I realised the fact that, the reality of the moment was that, the blooms season is done..thinking about it will spoil my present moments with my family..From there on, I forcefully focused my thoughts into the future, as well as encouraged others to follow the same…To my surprise tons of blissful moments awaited us in munnar thereafter ..So, what I wanted to convey is, if you have absolutely no control over the situation, it’s beneficial to practice acceptance than resistance..

3. Take conflicts as an opportunity to teach and learn: Conflicts are inevitable part of both social and family life..conflicts between couples, parents and kids, at work place so on..When we learn to handle a conflict in a constructive way, then it’s an opportunity for learning, teaching and connecting..And the only trick work here is to camly focus on the solution respecting both parties feelings and thoughts..I know during this lockdown days there will be tons of reasons for kicking off conflicts in families, but remember it’s an opportunity..

Every conflict presents you with a choice. You can choose to view conflict as an opportunity to teach or as an opportunity to blame & punish..

Dr. Becky Bailey -Easy to love difficult to discipline.

4.The only person you can change is you: Ok, let me tell you a story – Once upon a time there lived a man who loved to spend his leisure time on social media, watching movies, exploring all eateries ..hmm, somewhat like an average techie. Somehow from one day, he surprised everyone by focusing on the creative aspect of life..gradually, his wife started to get inspiration from his transformation..when they started to spend their time and energy in constructive and creative way, they could inspire and motivate the people surrounding them, which in turn made them feel proud and happy…Do you like the story..??If yes, let me share you a secret..the wife in the story is myself..☺️ So, what I wanted to emphasis here is that, the only person who you can change is yourself ..And the change should be self driven ..this will give a chance for the surrounding people to get inspired..!!

5.What we focus on, expands: This can be explained as simple law of attraction..whatever energy we choose to focus our thoughts on, is exactly what we will attract into our reality..For instance, we can count to gazillion numbers .. it’s not because we were born as Newton or Ramanuja..In our childhood we took conscious effort(focus) to learn the numbers..!! Likewise, we are capable of numerous possibilities..Just want to focus on what gives us peace and happiness so the same expands.. !!

6. See the best in one another rather than comparisons: It is said that when you choose to see the good in others , you endup finding the good in you..And remember every minute you compare yourself with others, is the minute you wasted in your life..Consciousness and gratefulness are the keys for preventing our mind from comparisons and the consequences that follows.. !!

7.Know that money alone can’t bring you happiness: Money can’t alone bring you happiness…however it can make you feel comfortable while you’re being depressed. So, stop running behind money and enjoy the moments of your life..Amidst the busy working days what we use to practice is a family dancing session, which doesn’t cost you a penny..but in turn it gives you plenty of room for bonding and get rid of all your worries…!!

8. Our Happiness should come within us: Don’t wait for others to make you happy..I believe, I’m responsible for my own happiness. It can be made possible only by satisfying our physical,mental and spiritual levels.I can provide example for better understanding..

1. Physical level happiness– eg: finding time for self care activities like exercise, bathing etc..

2. Mental level happiness– eg: following your passion may be painting, singing, writing, photography…etc

3. Spiritual level happiness– eg: helping poor and needy, showing kindness, meditation..etc

So, let me conclude by reminding myself as well as you that happiness is not by chance, but by choice…Hope this one helps you to focus on more happiness amidst this pandemic days…!!Thank you..don’t forget to share your thoughts and feel free to like, follow, reblog/share…have a wonderful week ahead..

If a young blogger Malala can, Why can’t we??-Malala day 2020

Malala Yousafzai, the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner 2014

Yes..this face is so familiar for us and needless to explain why..!!! In fact, do you know this girl started her fight as a little BLOGGER with a pseudonym ..?? On July 12, when she celebrates her birthday, we world celebrates her courage and bravery to stand up for herself and other girl children for the right of education. When one little blogger girl around 15 years old had that fire in her even death failed to stop her..!!

I told myself, Malala, you have already faced death. This is your second life. Don’t be afraid — if you are afraid, you can’t move forward.

Malala Yousafzai– I Am Malala

She didn’t stop her journey there..Didn’t you notice those self motivated words in her autobiography ?? She decided to continue the fight for girls education and started Malala Fund, a school for Syrian refugee girls with help of her dad…herself graduated last month(June 2020) from Britain’s prestigious Oxford University.

The speech delivered by her, when she came here in Canada to receive the honorary citizenship stoked our minds..She emphasized the importance of girl education and how it would help to transform the world to better place to live. I can recall a related incident from my childhood days. When I chose a professional engineering course for my post secondary education, some of my relatives raised the similar kind of concern..‘why do you send a girl child for such an expensive courses?’ Well, luckily my parents who knew the value of education didn’t fall for those discouraging words..!!

When a girl is educated, we educate-a family-a community and the upcoming generations as well. There are many instances where I have observed gender inequality deeply rooted in our society. It may varies from refusing higher education to preventing girl child from entering in to family business..!! Knowingly or unknowingly we are underestimating and hindering the growth and future of these young aspiring women. Most of the parents think that depositing a huge amount as dowry is the most caring thing that they could do for a girl child…Shhhh..You are not legally permitted to use that word in India since 1961, but the sad truth is people renamed it as gift for bride…To date almost all of the weddings in our family involved dowry (now called gift for bride) even if the brides are well educated as the groom..And the question here is – why is no gift given to groom when both individuals are equally educated or earning….??Which means, the problem arises from the society setup or so called social norms.

So, to parents out there , give your girl child education, the time and encouragement, to finance for herself and to speak up for her self. To the men out there, be proud to be a feminist..help your mom, sister, wife and kids to get equal opportunity as men. To the young women out there, keep a step forward, raise your voice, which will be a giant leap for the mankind…

One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world.

Malala Yousafzai

When I read Malala’s self motivation quotes, It remind me of the teenage days which I passed by the death valley suffering from a serious case of meningitis. And today I say to myself..it’s your second chance..And if Lord God has allowed it for you, there should be a reason behind it..don’t be afraid, move forward…!! Likewise, you may also have instances from your own life where you may apply the same..

Before concluding let’s have a quick recap on what all qualities make this little girl different?? Or lessons we can learn from her life..

1.Stand up/speak up: “We realise the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.”-Malala. According to Malala’s words, at first she thought to wait until she is an adult to speak up, and then she realized that even a little girl’s voice could be heard worldwide..So, from now onwards don’t wait for others to speak for you..

2.Courage and Bravery: Before talking about her courage and bravery , I must congratulate her parents, for supporting her by every means..they are the perfect role models for parents of girl children. Now coming back to the point, we salute and get inspired by looking at her courage to take up such a daring fight against guns for girl’s education.

3.Strong determination: Regardless of what’s going to happen or what is happening around her, she was focused on her goal. She demonstrated the true value of determination and conviction.

4.Value of education: In every speech of hers, she focused on the importance of education and how the educated women can transform the world. So educate yourself as well as you can…even if you don’t wish to have a career life, every kids wish for well educated parents.

5.Leadership: when she stood up on behalf of 130 million girls a we saw an emerging leader in her..

6.Let your dreams drive your actions: Remember my recent post on women’s dreams??( if not check the link- https://lafemina.home.blog/2020/06/27/who-puts-an-expiry-date-on-womens-dreams/). Don’t let anyone else to put the expiry date on your dreams..

7. To be humble, respectful and thankful: When July 12th was announced as Malala day her speech at UN opened like this: “Malala Day is not my day. Today is the day of every woman, every boy and every girl who have raised their voice for their rights. We never heard her complaining about what she lacks but watched being thankful for what she has and how she respectfully treated other people.

Well, the list is endless..She is a University for all of us especially we women to refer, when we necessarily lack some huge amount of inspiration.

So, in this Malala day 2020 let’s take a step forward..Stand up for us..Hope you enjoyed the post ..share your thoughts in comment section below, have a wonderful day….don’t forget to follow, like and share ..thank you 🙏

6 simple ways for boosting your ‘Self esteem’

Before reading this post I strongly recommend you guys to take the free self esteem assessment test below…remember to answer from your heart ❤️..

https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5efc11c6b43480001483ec01?method=iframe

In this post I aim to share some helpful ideas on self-esteem and dealing with negative thoughts about ourselves.

We humans, always have some judgements about the world we live in, the situations we are exposed to, the people around us and yourself..when one have high self esteem he/she can make positive judgment about self and feel confident. According to David Bonham-Carter, Self-esteem is therefore intimately connected with self-perception and goes to the core of your identity. While reading his book I got some interesting insights on self esteem and thought of sharing the same along with my own perspective on self esteem.

Self esteem is intimately connected with self-perception and goes to the core of your identity.”

David Bonham- Carter

1.Value yourself : This is the stepping stone..we should give ourselves permission to do the activities that we enjoy doing ..it can be writing, painting, listening music, singing ..I know what you are thinking about..Where do I get ‘time’ amidst running the household errands/job and looking after kids ??” ..trust me once you find a little time you will feel the difference..!! If there is a will there’s a way.. !! Well, stuck at thinking what makes you feel happy?? Have a sneak-peek to your teenage memories..you will find many..!! There is a poet, artist, singer, dancer,writer …in every one of us.

you’re beautiful..you’re amazing..you are powerful..you’re talented..you’re unique..you’re blessed…

2. Accept yourself : ‘Grant me the serenity to accept what I can’t change, the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’ —Reinhold Niebuhr. As the next step, Show the bravery to accept what you cannot change..for an example, your external appearance. Moreover, show the courage to take the responsibility of your actions regardless of the outcome. It’s okay to fail..accept your faults or failings without judging yourself. Remember, success will be even more sweeter for the one who tasted the bitterness of failure..

So, now the question is- What do we do when we’re overcome with feeling “not good enough”? We must make it a habit to think about what we’re thinking about, in order to refuse to believe every last thought. Stop blaming yourself too much…never exaggerate your faults.. give yourself a break..continue from there.. Everybody has faults..no one is made perfect..!!

3.Look after yourself: If we have a high level of self esteem we may pay sufficient attention to our physical and mental health and vice versa..don’t wait for others to celebrate your victory, set your goals and credit if you are successful in achieving them. Now let us focus on the ways to look after yourself.

Photo by Ekaterina Bolovtsova on Pexels.com

For physical health: Follow good health guidelines. Try to exercise at least 15 minutes a day. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Limit sweets, junk food and animal fats etc..

For mental health: Start by making a list of things you like to do or that makes you feel happy. Try to do something from that list every day. Along with that, avoid creating the situations where you felt bad and don’t waste time on people who don’t treat you well.

4.Understand yourself: Do you remember in the beginning I asked you to take the free self esteem assessment test?? It will help you to know your level of self esteem. This is very a important step. Self acknowledgement..our childhood,surroundings etc may be the reasons behind.. Once we know the level we can take necessary steps for the improvement.

5.Empower Yourself : Before starting blogging I didn’t knew what I was capable of…!! The only way to find out was to challenge myself to do more than I think I can. So the next step is trust yourself..and wish yourself a good luck a let it go..one more thing you can try is self affirmations..It can fill you with immense energy and belief in your own capabilities.

‘Knowing is not enough..we must apply..wishing is not enough..we must do..’

Johann Von Goethe.
Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

6. Ask yourself : still stuck there…?? Ok.. if that is the case, start by asking yourself ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen??’..if your answer is not that harmful then what are we waiting for????Always visualize something positive is going to happen before preparing for a daunting task. It is said that by the practice of visualization techniques on a day-to-day basis, one can accelerate your progression towards your goals..

Waw..just after composing this post I feel my self esteem got boosted up…hmm..so what about yours..?? Leave a comment in the comment section below..And if you like the post feel free to reblog,share,like and follow ….have a wonderful day friend….🙂

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