Wanted to raise a smart, independent and self-reliant kid? 3 steps to follow…

Hey, have you ever closely observed how does a butterfly emerges from its cocoon? If yes, had anyone lost patience and literally gave a helping hand for that little creature to come out of it?? Perhaps, kids do that. However, we adults will be holding ourselves back because we know that it can’t fly if it isn’t evolving through its own struggles. So that is it, as simple as that. Then why we parents are so overprotective when it comes to raising our own kids??

From the moment the tiny heart ticks in your womb you take all the measures to build a protective shield for your baby. I remember all the funny things I did. Switching to super healthy diet, changing the dressing pattern, giving rest to the pointed heels, sleeping positions.. whoa… What not!!

Let’s discuss about some of the serious repercussions that this kind of parenting can cause to your kid’s future.

  • Kids will lack problem solving skills.
  • Highly dependent kids.
  • Lack of decision-making skills.
  • Negative effect on parent – child relation in a long run.

I don’t say that I was raised as an independent, self reliant kid. And I recollect the vague memories of my mom selecting dresses and toys for me , helping me with my home works, setting timetable sometimes, even feeding me on busy exam days…Well in those days I had no complaints, rather I enjoyed it until the situations came which demanded my own decisions. And I saw myself struggling to get through without my parents.

 In whole my life time I had got chance to closely observe how the south Asian families and western families raise their kids. I can indubitably say that these western families do better job in raising independent kids. Well, occasionally I felt that the freedom these kids are enjoying is bit on the higher side. To be precise how much ever desirable one thing is, even if it is good when we dwell too much upon it will be toxic. So, let’s try to exercise something in the middle.

 So here are some of my findings to make your kid smart, independent and self reliant.

  • Train them to be independent from younger ages.
    • Avoid co-sleeping.
    • Let them feed by themselves from early years of life.
    • Don’t help them with the homework’s, dishes, setting timetables, jackets, shoes instead, give them age appropriate duties at home like arranging the shoe racks, arranging news papers etc.
    • Involve them in household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry…trust me its fun.
  • Problem solving.

Suppose, your kid falls down and got bruises while playing with other kids. And you are blaming other kids/their parents for your kid’s action In-front of your kid.

Or there was a kind of quarrel between kid’s group and you are speaking up for your kid. These kinds of action literally pull-down your kid’s ability for problem solving in future.  So wait, relax and see how your kid handle those situations.

  • Decision making.
    • Let them select their toys and dresses from early ages of life. Well, every child is unique. He/she will have their own taste and preferences. (It is also never late to teach them the value of money.)
    • Let them choose their life/career they want. (as parents we can give them proper guidance and courage to do things by themselves also set a good example and give age appropriate control.

By reading through above steps, some of you may feel it as elementary. Well its not!! I know as parents our unconditional love and anxiety hold us back in providing the freedom each kid should poses.

However, your first job is to calm your own nerves- most of us know when we were catastrophizing. Secondly, take a look at their previous behaviour and use it as a clue. That will give you an idea about the degree of freedom that you can give to your kid. Finally, talk to your child and set some appropriate limits. This thumb rule is helpful for everything from when you to allow your toddler to walk down to school bus stop alone to when to allow your teenager to drive on the highway.

To conclude, if your children are independent, you have provided them with the belief that they are competent and capable of taking care of themselves. So set a good example, proper guidance and give age appropriate control.

lets take this COVID-19 lock down season as a better way to connect to your kids. Stay home..stay safe.

A withheld letter to my sisters…(11 things that every sister should share with their little sisters 👯‍♀️)

My Dearest Sisters,

I love you. I know you are watching and also learning from me. There is something I always wanted to tell you. However, most of the times I withheld it for no reason.

  • Learn as much as you can : Not just the graduation degree from universities. Learn from your own mistakes. Open your eyes and observe the nature, from there learn the value of simplicity and humbleness. Learn to do every thing by yourself. Yes, we all came alone and will be going back alone.
  • Appreciate the beauty in you: If you wake up looking in the mirror and don’t like what you see go find a different mirror. Because the way you appear is all about how you see yourself. And remember its not the outer beauty the inner beauty matter.
  • Choose friends wisely : It is not the quantity of friends what counts, the quality. Find time to connect with them even in your busy life. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
  • Don’t make love a passing fancy : Boys can easily become the center of your world, don’t let them do so. Stay focused and work towards your goals. Once you have accomplished your goals and still he waits for you, then don’t let him go.
  • Learn to say “No” : Only do things which you think it is right. Know that you can’t live by making everyone happy. learn to say “no” politely at the same time powerfully.
  • Don’t believe in fate : Our life is a reflection of your own choices. Be brave and learn how to make right choices for yourself so that you can make your own destiny. However, if any thing goes wrong be bold enough to admit your mistake  and take timely actions rather than blaming your own fate.
  • Don’t go away from your duties and responsibilities: As a social animal you have some responsibility towards the society, As a daughter and daughter in-law you have some responsibility towards our parents, As a mom and wife, you are more responsible for the well being of your family. Yes, sometimes you feel like you where mommies and daddies irresponsible little kid again. But remember how our mom stood for us and learn how to prioritize your duties.
  • Its okay to have misunderstandings or conflicts in relations: Try to stay calm and to solve the issues by yourself. If needed, take a break.  There is nothing wrong in saying s-o-r-r-y for a good cause. Believe me, it will help to strengthen your relations.
  • Stay away from social media when you are sad: People seldom post an unhappy moment on their wall. It will never ease your pain rather; it leads to an out burst. Remember, there will be an untold story behind every happy post.
  • Don’t do the art of comparisons: Your life vs others life, your partner vs others partners, your parent’s vs your in-laws, your kid vs others kids…that is how they’re meant to be. Just embrace the life as it is and don’t forget to be grateful.
  • Don’t worry you are not alone : Well, as you know we are not going to get along all the time, still we will be good sisters forever. Be happy and stay blessed.

Yours lovingly,

Big sister.

Parenting tips: Kids Tantrums at middle of night a STAR method approach.

Situation- Are you the parent for an infant and a kindergartener or so? Then, hopefully I don’t need to explain much about the situation. It’s a nightmare I know. Imagine your older kid also starts bother you asking for pulling up blanket, peeing, water …along with your newborn who is designed to wakeup often to feed and cuddle. Don’t freak-out you are not alone. Most of the parents go through the similar situations and here are some of my trial and error findings.

Task- Without bothering the little one who wakes up for all the tiny disturbances it was really hard for me to get elder one back to sleep. During these kind of night tantrums, they won’t listen to us because its their subconscious mind which is taking control over them. Believe me, shouting back at them or punishing them is never going to help. Despite, its going to worsen these situations. In the beginning, my partner and I tried to accommodate all her needs at the middle of the night. After a bit of time we noticed the more we did this, the more often she started throwing her tantrums. I found myself stepping back, letting her tantrums run their course and ended up with a cuddling section when she was done.

Action – As this drama continued for most of the days, I started to drain out my patience. There where days when I felt that whole my parenting strategies where a big failure. We discussed and came up with an idea that if we can rewrite her subconscious mind who is the culprit behind all these sleeping disorders we could sleep better.

Are you thinking what is this subconscious mind to do with this??? Alright, let me explain. According to the dictionary it is “something existing in the mind but not immediately available to consciousness.” We all have it and it has lot to do with the brain waves. According to scientific researches,

From birth to 2years – less frequency waves or delta waves controls your brain. (i.e., very less filtering of information, no logic). This wave controls an adult human while he sleeps.

From 2 to 8 years- zeta waves take over the brain control. (kids at this age believe what we say/what they see/what they imagine)

In short, until age of 8 kids are just downloading all the data. As adults we sometimes forget that he/she is literally a kid. We believe that they should think, understand and act the way we do. Whereas, in the eyes of our kids, you are literally everything. What ever you tell, their brain records it as true. So, beware of the words that you use to call your kid during an out burst.

Yeah, too much of science. Well, to take an action a little ground work will always help. Here are some of the action plans…

Here are some of the action plans…

  • Talk about the tantrums and the troubles that your kid is making at night time during a bonding section with them and make sure that they listen to you calmly.
  • Try to know the root cause/triggers and reprogram your child’s subconscious.
  • Stay calm knowing that this type of behaviour is perfectly normal. Nevertheless, it is imperative that they learn early that this kind of action is not acceptable in your home.
  • Follow a consistent bedtime routine.
  • Take time to connect with your kid by reading story/singing lullaby. Don’t forget to say how much you treasure them.
  • Even if you see the changes in your kids initially, follow the whole steps everyday. Be consistent.

And lot more… (guess it won’t go in one blog post. So, stay tuned for upcoming posts)

Result- Well, in our case within two days the problem was fixed. She seldom wakes up at midnight, stared to pull up the blanket by herself, going to pee if needed with minimal assistance, no tantrums no nightmares …Wow!! relaxing right??

 Give it a try and let me know the feedback. And don’t forget to comment your own tricks and tips for the same.

Homemaking or Career?

To women who are in the verge of launching their dream career, this is a million-dollar question especially when they are about to get into motherhood. There were days when I asked the same question to myself. Well, later on even when my rational mind cried out for following the career path my emotional mind held me back. Four years later when I asked my kindergartener that now since she has started her school can mom go back to work…And the reply ended with a serious meltdown. In that moment, the mom in me realized that my decision was right.

And now if you are in a dilemma just like me these are some questions that will really help you to decide your future.

Can your partner alone handle the household?

Are you passionate about the job/career you are doing/going to do?

Are you losing the interest in career that you were pursuing after being a mom?

Hopefully by now you must have an answer in mind. But again, freedom matters, convincing your own partner and parents matter. Well, the latter one is the hardest I know. In addition to that, at some point as a stay at home mom I found myself getting back on workforce compared to my colleagues and friends from college. But there are solutions for that as well. As we are living in the century where the online business world is widely open In front of you as a flexible work from home mom. Alright, I’m not detailing because you know there are hundreds of vlogs/blogs on the same.

On the flip side if you opt for career first, you may enjoy the independence and sense of accomplishment a job can provide. However, at the same time you feel guilty and insecure for leaving your kid with someone at daycare or at home. Nobody in this world can take care of someone’s kids the way as their own mom or father does. And so, the years that you spent in growing up the next generation is worth.

Hey working mammas who reading this post don’t get panic by my statements above. There is some good news I should share with you. In a survey by NICHD (National Institute of Child Health and Human Development) they found that the kids in a good daycare or preschool does have more skills and kindergarten readiness compared to the ones who stayed with mom at home. Hmm, don’t get over excited!!At the same time, they showed more temper tantrums and of course, the back to back sickness matters. Finding good daycare for your kid seems easy but not the cost. I know how expensive it is.

Final words, ‘Family and Career’. You can make a choice either way. However, ask God for what is best for you. Try to make your own identity as an individual rather than relaxing under the shades of your partner/parents. It is said that we women are gifted with multitasking ability, use it for the right cause. Let the world respect you. Give your daughter a chance to make you the role model.

In my opinion, it would be great if either of the parents can take care of their kids during the early years of their life or look for work from home options. Again, each of our stories and situations are unique.Its not about in the miracle of becoming mom or exercising creativity at work, its all about choosing wisely what gives you more joy.

La femina…for women by a woman.


I’m Anu. An Lovely mamma (an aeronautical engineer by profession) for two little humans and hopefully the better half for my sweet heart.

Recently I came across a hashtag #sheforher and the concept stroked my mind. I slept over it for days and decided to join my hands in the movement to help all women out there. Well, the brainstorming section ended up with this blog. Being the big sister for two younger sisters in my house I thought it will be more easy for me to connect the same emotion with you all.

I know at certain point of life we all needed someone to guide you or whom you can trust like your elder sister. So here in this blog I can help you to look like a girl… act like a woman …love like a mom…think like a man and how to be your own boss!!

Today March 8th as we celebrate international women’s day I decided its the perfect day to kickoff my blogging journey .

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

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